


Dove

by SongSparrow



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Case Fic, Cute friendships, Fluff, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Murder, Not Beta Read, Protective Derek Morgan, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Secrets, Team as Family, but off screen, hopefully, idk how to tag, not explicit, please tell me if I’m missing something, regular update
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:55:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27030805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SongSparrow/pseuds/SongSparrow
Summary: When something happens to Reid that no one should ever have to go through, he is determined to keep it a secret from the rest of the team. However, this gets harder to do when the team gets assigned a case that is too familiar for Reid’s liking.
Relationships: Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/William LaMontagne Jr., Jennifer Jareau & Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid & The BAU Team
Comments: 97
Kudos: 422





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am still pretty new to writing, so sorry if it has a few mistakes. This story does deal with some sensitive topics, so please read at your own risk. I don’t write anything explicit, but it is mentioned and it is also a main part of the plot...
> 
> Other than that, I hope you like the story and please comment on any mistakes you see or ways I could improve the story, constructive criticism is always welcome.
> 
> The first chapter is also kinda short, sorry about that. I’m hoping the later chapters will turn out longer...

Reid stifled a yawn as he left the bullpen area. It had been a very busy week for the BAU and it was nearly one in the morning by the time the team got back to the office. They had just closed a child abduction case, and even though it was extremely stressful and taxing, they had managed to find the last two victims alive. Reid was just heading out the door after submitting his paperwork when Morgan called out to him.

“Hey Pretty Boy! The rest of us are heading out for drinks soon, do you want to come along?” 

Reid shook his head, “Thanks, but I really just want to go home and get some rest, it’s been a long week.”

Morgan sighed, “You sure? Because the team would love to have you along. I bet you would even be able to-“ 

Garcia cut him off before he was able to finish his thought, “Hey hot stuff, ready to get out of here?”

Morgan hesitated, glancing at Reid before turning towards Garcia. “You know it, Baby Girl.” Looking back at Reid, he asked one more time, “you sure?”

“I’m sure Morgan.”

“Alright, well let me give you a ride at least. It’s late and I don’t want you riding the train if I’m able to drive you.”

Garcia looked at Reid, “you’re not coming?”

“Morgan, I’ll be fine, really. Only 2.7 percent of crimes occur near train stations, and of those, 95 percent of them are property related crimes.”

“Reid, I’m not gonna take that chance. Either you let me drop you off, or I’m letting Garcia do whatever she’s currently planning to make you come to the bar with us.”

Sparing a glance at Garcia, Reid gives in. He wasn’t looking forward to the long train ride home anyway, and he was getting tired just standing there. “Fine. Thanks Morgan.”

Grinning, Morgan looked at Garcia, “Alright. Baby Girl, you wouldn’t mind going with the others would you? I need to get Pretty Boy home so he can get his beauty sleep.”

“Not a problem, but you’re going to need to make it up to me when you get back.” With that, she turned and walked away.

“Looking forward to it,” Morgan yelled to her down the hall. “Ok Reid, let’s get you home.”

———

“See you Monday, Pretty Boy.” Reid heard Morgan say right before he closed the door to his car. He only nodded in acknowledgment as he turned towards his apartment.

Reid sighed as he made his way up the stairs. Even though the case had turned out really well, the amount of work he and the rest of the team put in to it had left him exhausted. All he wanted to do was sleep, and he wasn’t sure how Morgan and the rest of them even had the energy to do more than that.

As soon as he made it into his apartment, Reid headed straight to his bedroom. He barely had enough energy to struggle into his pajamas before collapsing into his bed. He was asleep before his head even hit the pillow.

———

A sharp, frantic knocking jolted Reid awake. Groaning, he looked over at his clock while untangling himself from his sheets. After standing up, he slowly padded over to his door, assuming his team would be the only people that would knock on his door at 3:27 in the morning. 

When he opened the door, however, it took him a second to register that it was not, in fact, a team member at his doorstep, but a very nervous young man instead.

“I’m really sorry to wake you up so early, but my car broke down and my girlfriend is probably worried sick. Do you think I could borrow your phone to let her know I’m ok and to call a tow truck? I just don’t have anywhere else to go and I just know that she’s going to be so worried.”

Reid tried to blink the sleep from his eyes. “Sure, it’s no problem. If you don’t mind waiting here, I can go grab my cell phone.”

“Would you? That would be great thank you so much!” Reid only nodded sleepily at the man as he turned around to find his phone. He didn’t make it two steps into his house before he felt a cloth over his mouth. Startled, Reid fought to pull away, pulling hard at the hand covering his mouth. Just as he saw his vision going black, he managed to elbow his attacker in the stomach, loosening his grip enough for Reid to slip out. As soon as he was free, he stumbled toward his bedroom, where he kept his gun. Unfortunately, he didn’t get far before he felt something hit his back and he fell to the ground.

Rolling over, Reid saw the man looming over him holding the cane he had used when he injured his knee. The man raised the cane for another attack, and Reid had just enough time to put his arms up to shield his face before a crack resounded through the room. Ignoring the pain in his arms, Reid reached up and grabbed the other end of the cane, using the momentum to rip it from the other man’s grasp. He slammed the cane against the man’s knees and struggled to his feet again. 

Once he was up, he hit the man against his back, forcing him to fall to the ground. Not wasting any more time, Reid ran as fast as he could to his bedroom. Grabbing his gun in one hand and his phone in the other, he dialed 911. Before he was able to hit call, however, he was thrown to his side, crashing into a bookshelf, and making most of the books to fall on top of him. The man didn’t give Reid enough time to recover before he shoved the gun out of his hand and put the chloroform covered rag back over his face. Holding his breath, Reid struggled again, but the man was pinning him tightly, making it nearly impossible for Reid to push him off. It wasn’t long before Reid fell into unconsciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to pick up...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was actually planning on posting this chapter tomorrow, but I was too weak...
> 
> Thank you so much for your comments and kudos! I literally live off of them!

Reid woke up the next morning with a pounding headache. Opening his eyes felt like it was going to be painful, so instead, he rolled over with the plan to go back to sleep. As he did, though, he felt something uncomfortable on his neck. He reached up to move it off, but whatever was on his neck wouldn’t budge. Confused, he sat up and opened his eyes so he could figure out what it was. 

As soon as his eyes were open, Reid shot out of the bed, not recognizing the room he was in. His breathing picked up, getting harsher when the memories of last night came crashing down on him. Feeling around his neck more frantically this time, he quickly figured out that he was wearing some sort of collar. 

_That’s not good,_ he thought to himself, reaching around his neck to feel more of the collar. His hand bumped a small rectangular box attached to the collar. _Thats really not good._

After calming down a little, Reid forced himself to look around at his surroundings, hoping to find a way out. The room he was in was small, he estimated that it was probably only 8 by 10 feet. There weren’t any windows, and the only exit was a heavy metal door. Deciding that it was the best lead he had, Reid moved closer to the door to get a better look at it. It looked like it was made for a vault instead of a bedroom door. 

Facing the door, Reid brought up what he knew about security vaults. The door was big, roughly 3 and a half feet by 7 feet. It looked to be a double plated steel door, which meant that it was most likely more than 4 inches thick, and very heavy. 

_Roughly 820 pounds,_ Reid thought grimly. _The vault door can either swing outwards or inwards. By the looks of it, this one will swing outward, which means the door will probably have at least 24 door bolts holding it into the wall. _He sighed,_ With this much security, I’ll have better luck crashing through the wall than getting through this door._

Grimacing, Reid sat back down on the bed. His back and arms were starting to hurt from the hits he took the night before, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to break out now. With nothing else to do but wait, he decided to start building a profile of his captor. 

_He’s male, looked like he was in his late twenties to early thirties. He uses a ruse to get into his victims homes._ Reid winced, thinking back to his first meeting with the man. He should have realized that someone whose car broke down wouldn’t climb three stories to ask for a phone. They would’ve asked someone who lives on ground floor. _Stupid. That should have been the first thing you thought of instead of turning your back on him._

Reid sighed and looked back at the door. _This is serious overkill. He obviously wants to make sure his victims have no escape. To give them a sense of hopelessness._

His thought was cut off by the sound of the door opening. Looking up, he saw his captor standing in the doorway. Reid noticed he had slightly curly dark brown hair, long enough to barely be pulled into a ponytail and dark brown eyes. Reid quickly looked for some sort of identifying mark he could use if he got out, and took note of a mole on his lower left jaw. He was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants, making it look like he had just gotten out of bed. 

“You comfortable?” His question was met with silence. The man sighed, “Ok, here’s the deal. You are going to do what I tell you, when I tell you to. If you don’t,” he pushed a button on the remote he was holding and pain shot through Reid. He writhed on the bed, grasping at the collar around his neck. As suddenly as it started, the pain stopped, leaving Reid gasping. The man started speaking again, “now that you understand, I’m going to ask you again, are you comfortable?”

Reid nodded, “ye-yes I’m comfortable.” He quickly stammered out.

“Good.” He stepped forward, producing a pair of handcuffs. “Now I want you to lie down on the bed and raise your arms above your head.”

Reid hesitated, knowing that if he followed that order, he would be defenseless against the man. Suddenly, the same shocking pain radiated through the collar, and Reid fell back against the bed. This time, it went for longer, and it left him disoriented after it had stopped. 

Blinking, he tried to focus on his surroundings again, breathing through the lingering pain the shock collar had caused. After a few seconds, he noticed the man standing above him. He tried to sit up again, but there was a pull on his hands preventing him from doing so. With a sinking feeling, Reid looked up at his hands, which were now attached to the bedrail above his head. 

“I should have known you wouldn’t do it. Although I had hoped, after my demonstration, that you would have the sense to listen to me. But, I guess you aren’t as smart as they make you out to be.”

Reid ignored the insult, opting to try to get more information out of the man above him. “Who are you?”

“Who I am doesn’t matter to you, and before you ask, I’m not going to tell you why I’m doing this either. But, I will tell you that to you, my name is Mark, which I’m sure was going to be your next question.” He said, cutting off any other questions Reid would’ve asked.

“Now that we’ve finished introductions...” Mark trailed off and the look in his eyes changed so quickly that it nearly gave Reid whiplash. From his pocket, Mark pulled out a strip of black cloth and moved towards Reid. He tried to move away from Mark, but the handcuffs prevented him from getting very far. 

“What are you doing?” Reid asked, fear creeping into his voice. 

Without a word, Mark reached for his head, and wrapped the cloth around Reid’s face, blocking his sight. Reid strained his ears, trying to hear the other man over the sound of his own heartbeat and the blood rushing through his ears. 

A light touch skimmed over Reid’s stomach and he jumped, scooting his body closer to his hands so he could reach the blindfold. As soon as his fingertips touched the fabric, the newly familiar pain of the collar coursed through Reid, accompanied with a blow to the stomach. 

“Touch that blindfold again and you will regret it.” Reid dimly heard Mark say.

Wheezing, Reid focused all of his energy on staying still, not sure what Mark had planned for him.

The light touches resumed, sending a spike of fear through Reid and making his breathing hitch with each one. After about ten minutes of this, Reid felt an especially firm touch underneath his shirt, right above his waistband. Reid jerked as he began to panic. Throwing away any plan he had to comply, he let fear take over him and started struggling, frantically trying to get away. He kicked his legs out blindly, hoping to be able to land a hit on Mark while his hands reached for the blindfold again. 

Right as his foot hit something solid, an electric shock ran through Reid again. Shaking, Reid gasped, trying to get air into his lungs through the pain. About a minute later, the collar finally was turned off, only to be replaced with fists seconds later. Reid weakly curled into a ball, trying to shield himself from the blows. He cried out when an especially hard blow landed on his ribs, and he thought he felt something give. After what seemed like an eternity, the beating finally stopped, leaving Reid shaking and in pain. 

Laying there, Reid distantly heard the loud bang of the door closing. He stilled, listening for any other signs of life in his new prison. Minutes passed before Reid deemed it safe to move again. Carefully, he inched his body closer to his hands, and slowly sat up enough to lean against the wall. 

He was breathing heavily by the end, and his body was screaming at him from the exertion. He considered taking the blindfold off, but he didn’t think he could take another beating like the one he just had. Deciding against it for now, he hoped his hearing would give him enough warning when Mark came back in. 

Silently, Reid took inventory of his injuries. _The electric shocks hurt, and my muscles are likely going to be sore for a while, but they didn’t go on long enough to cause any permanent damage. The beating is a little more worrying._ Reid took a deep breath to test the limits of his bruised ribs. _I can still breath normally, and the pain is tolerable. At worst, I probably have a fractured rib, so I’m not in too much danger of internal injuries yet._

Reid tried to blink back tears as he leaned his head back against the wall and let out a shaky sigh. At least now he had an idea of what Mark had planned for him, though none of it was looking good. On top of that, Mark didn’t even try to cover his face, and Reid knew his chances of getting out of this alive dropped dramatically with that small detail. The chances of someone coming to look for him before Monday were also slim to none, it was the weekend and no one on the team was expecting to hear from him until then. He didn’t know if he could delay the inevitable long enough for his team to find him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry, I know this chapter was really short too. I’m working on making them longer, and I’m hoping the next chapter won’t be as short. 😅


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter does mention Rape/non-con and the aftermath of rape. Like I said before, nothing is explicit, but please be careful while reading.
> 
> Other than that, enjoy!

Reid’s head shot up when he heard the sound of the heavy door unlocking. His heart started pounding, fear coursing through him at the thought of being alone with Mark again. 

Almost painfully, Reid heard the door fully unlock, and the slight moaning sound it gave as it swung open, allowing the other person entry into the room. A couple seconds later, he heard the door slam shut again, locking him in the room with Mark.

Reid hated how scared he was while he waited for the other man to do something. His breathing was heavy and his eyes were wide open under the blindfold, hoping to be able to see something. 

He jerked when he felt a hand on his knee. He didn’t know how Mark managed to make his way over to him without making a sound. The hand stiffened into a painful grip and Reid froze.

“Have you had enough time to calm down from your temper tantrum, Pretty Boy?” Mark asked, like he was talking to a kindergartner.

Reid didn’t answer, swallowing hard at the use of Morgan’s nickname for him.

He felt the bed dip next to him as Mark sat down. “That’s what he calls you right? Pretty Boy? You know, I don’t think Morgan could’ve come up with a better name for you.”

Reid’s head was reeling. How did he know about that nickname, and how did he know that Morgan was the one to give it to him?

“How do you know about that?” Reid asked in a shaky voice.

“Nah uh uh, no talking.”

They sat in silence for a couple minutes before Mark started speaking again. “I see you didn’t touch the blindfold, that’s good. After the little show you put on last time, I was going to tie your legs as well, but we won’t be needing that now, will we?”

Reid shook his head. “You don’t need to tie my hands either, I promise I–“

A crack sounded through the room as Reid’s head was thrown to the side. A sharp stinging spread through the left side of his face a second later and he realized that he had been slapped.

“What, do you think think I’m stupid? I’m not some airhead you can trick into letting you go. So I suggest you stop your whining and do what I say!”

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry.”

“That’s better. Now, lay back down on the bed, Pretty Boy.”

Reid hesitated. He felt a shock as the collar sprung to life for a second as a warning before he slowly slid down so he was laying on his back. His heart was pounding as he felt the man shift next to him.

“Ok, now stay as still as possible. Any movement and the collar comes back on. Understand?”

Reid already knew he was going to break that rule, and he knew Mark knew it too, but he nodded nonetheless.

The weight on the bed lifted as Mark stood up. Reid strained his ears again in hopes of hearing what he was doing. His heart stopped when he heard the sound of clothes rustling, and wished more than anything that he could see where Mark was.

He jumped when he felt the bed dip by his feet and started kicking despite the warning. Mark seemed to anticipate this because he caught both of Reid’s feet in a strong old and pinned them under his legs. Reid kept trying to break free of the hold, even as Mark started pulling at his clothes.

“No, no, no. You don’t have to do this. _Please._ ” Reid begged. 

“You’re right, but I want to.” Mark replied, tearing away the remainder of Reid’s clothing.

Reid felt tears soak through the blindfold as he realized his fighting wasn’t slowing Mark down at all. A feeling of hopelessness overtook him and his fear spiked yet again when he felt Mark shift above him. He registered the pain before he was able to shut it all out.

———

Reid jerked, for what felt like the hundredth time in the last couple of hours, when he felt Mark pull out. Pain radiated through him and he was too weak to even resist when he felt a hand on his face. Slowly, Mark pulled off the sweat and tear soaked blindfold. Reid blinked at the light piercing his eyes as they adjusted to the change. He squinted up at Mark with red eyes. Silently, he watched the man reach for his hands and unlocked the handcuffs holding him in place.

Reid slowly brought his hands down, his joints aching from the hours spent in the same position. Hesitantly, he rolled onto his side, unsure if he would be able to sit upright in the condition he was in. He watched Mark, now fully clothed, turn and leave the room.

 _It’s over,_ Reid realized with a start. Tears started to form in his eyes again, even though he was sure he was too dehydrated to be able to cry anymore. All he could think about was how he had let his guard down. How he, even with all of his training, was even dumb enough to turn his back on Mark, and the persistent throbbing between his legs that had been the result.

He knew, logically, that none of this could’ve been his fault. He had told numerous people the same thing when working their case. It doesn’t stop a small part of his brain, however, from telling him that this was different. That he was weak for letting this happen and once everyone found out what he let happen, they would blame him for being so weak.

Feeling broken and dirty, Reid rolled over and let himself cry.

———

He woke to the sound of the door opening yet again. It had been hours since he had first been rap-attacked, and Mark didn’t seem to be able to give him a break. After the first time, Mark had returned three more times. With each “session,” as Mark had started to call them, he had brought a new and creative way to torture Reid on top of the initial assault, leaving Reid so sore that he could barely move from his position on the bed. 

Mark had given him water a couple of times, though he hadn’t offered Reid any food yet. Without windows and with no feeding schedule to go off of, it was hard to tell how much time had gone by. He knew (hoped) the weekend was probably almost over, but he couldn’t tell for sure. All he knew was that it was getting closer to Monday, he had failed to prevent what had happened not once, but four times (not for lack of trying, he had managed pry a nail free from the bed frame and pick the lock on his handcuffs sometime between the second and third time Mark came in. He’s pretty sure he has at least a couple broken ribs for his efforts). Despite his complete and utter failure, he was still holding onto the hope that his team would be able to find him soon, if only to get as far away from Mark as he could. 

Weakly, Reid looked up at Mark from his position on the bed. He didn’t think he would be able to survive another “session,” but he didn’t have enough in him to really care. However, he slowly realized that something was different this time. While Mark was still holding the handcuffs that he used every single time, he wasn’t holding the blindfold. Instead, he had what looked like a large black pen in his right hand.

Without warning, Mark roughly flipped Reid onto his stomach, eliciting a cry from the other man as pain sparked through his body. He chained his hands to the bed rail again and sat in a chair by Reid’s head.

“Ya know, Pretty Boy, our time together has got to be one of the best I’ve had.” Reid swallowed down bile as he watched Mark positioned the pen-like object on the outside of his arm, just under his shoulder. Reid braced himself, not sure what the object was for.

A light buzzing filled the room, and Reid gasped as a sharp pain came from his arm.

“Though, I don’t think other people will see it the way I do.” Mark continued, as if nothing had happened, “You’re law enforcement, so you know what will happen. If they find out how weak you actually are, they’ll blame you for not doing enough. And even if you do tell someone, it’s not like the law is on your side.”

Reid knew he was right, only .6 percent of rapes result in incarceration. If he were to tell anyone about this, Mark would still have a good chance of getting out of this with little to no consequence really easily. Even then, the humiliation Reid would have to go through while reporting it was enough to convince him not to. The law is rarely kind to victims of these types of crimes, especially male victims.

No, if he ever got out of here alive, he would bury this secret so deep, no one will ever be able to find it.

“And just think about what your godson would think. Henry, was his name, right?” Reid winced at the obvious threat in that statement. “He’s always looked up to you, you’re his idol. What do you think would happen if he found out just how useless you are when it really counts?”

Mark fell silent after that and the only thing that filled the silence was the light buzzing coming from the object in Mark’s hand. After a few minutes, Mark chuckled and pulled the pen-like thing away from Reid’s arm. “All done. Now I know you’ll never be able to forget just what you are.” Mark said, grinning. “Alright, for this next part, I’m gonna need you unconscious again.” He pulled out a white cloth, almost looking sympathetic.

Reid struggled again, terrified at the thought of being so vulnerable to the man, despite what’s already happened. He shook his head, holding his breath as he feels the cloth slip over his face. He fell unconscious only minutes later.

———

For the first time this weekend, Reid woke up slowly. He pried his eyes open, squinting at the sunlight streaming through his curtains. He froze. _His curtains._ As silently and carefully as he could, he sat up, sitting slightly on his side to avoid the fiery shots of pain shooting from his backside. Looking around his bedroom, he tried to figure out what had happened. The last thing he remembered was trying to shake Mark off of him while he pressed a chloroform covered rag to his mouth.

 _Why would he do all that, go through all this trouble, if he was just going to let me go in the end? It doesn’t fit._ Wincing, Reid eased himself out of his bed and checked the house for intruders. There were books sprawled out on the floor from where he had been slammed into them the night of his abduction. In his living room, he found his cane, slightly cracked laying by the couch. His house looked like a crime scene. 

_That’s because it is._ He thought as he made his way around his house.

Once he got back to his bedroom, he looked around for his gun. He found it under his bed, right next to his phone. He sighed as he picked them both up. Cradling the gun in his right hand, he turned on his phone. The soft glow lit up his face as took note of the day–Sunday, it was Sunday night and no one even realized he was missing–before unlocking his phone. He stared at the attempted 911 call he had tried to make. It seemed to stare back at him, mocking him for his failure to protect himself. Growling, he threw it across the room and stood up. 

Slowly he limped into the bathroom, intent on taking a shower so he could clean off all the blood and...other fluids that he was covered in. Not for the first time, he thought about driving to the hospital and reporting this instead of washing away the evidence. He quickly thought of Henry and all the members of his team. He couldn’t do that to them. So instead, he turned on the water and began stripping off his clothes, planning on burning them when he got the chance. He couldn’t report it, he was too weak.

Turning around, he got a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He froze again, horrified at what he saw. His torso was one giant bruise, with small cuts lining the marks of his ribs from the small knife Mark had brought with him the second time. He had hand shaped bruises on his hips, and his thighs were a dark purple. Dark stripes and welts on his back from the third “session” greeted him when he turned around. He had small burns littering his body from the cigarettes Mark had the last time and his wrists were red and chafed, scabs forming from where he had pulled at the cuffs.

Raising his eyes in a haze, he zeroed in on his upper left arm. There, with the slight red outline that comes with a new tattoo– _tattoo_ –was an outline of four doves. They staggered up his arm, starting above his elbow and ending just under his shoulder. Each of them looked like they were in flight, and in another situation, he would’ve thought they looked free. 

Reid knew, though, that that was not what they represented. Traditionally, doves were used to signify innocence and peace. They are supposed to bring comfort, and Mark had twisted that into something else. He used that symbolism to remind Reid of what he had lost, to mock him.

The reality of what had happened came crashing down on Reid. Frantically, he scrambled into the stream of water coming from the shower head. He didn’t care that it was hot enough to burn his skin, he just had to feel like he was doing something to get the layer of grime seeping into his skin off. He scrubbed layer and layer of skin off for what felt like hours, leaving him red and blistered. He didn’t care though, nothing felt like enough and whenever he looked down, he could feel the phantom hands touching him and the searing, ripping pain from when Mark–

He fell to the ground, crying. The falling water masked his tears, and he stayed there taking comfort from it until the water turned cold.

———

Reid spent the night staring at the ceiling in his bedroom, clutching his gun like a lifeline. He didn’t have the energy to clean up the mess from when he was taken, and he couldn’t relax enough to even try to sleep. The feeling of eyes on him hadn’t left since he got out of the shower. Mark knew where he lived, he could come in and attack him any time he wanted, if he fell asleep, he would be vulnerable. Instead, he worried about how he would hide this from his team. Walking was painful, and sitting was nearly unbearable. He had small burn marks on his neck from the collar, and the only way he could hide that was with his scarf. That could raise some questions. 

Hiding his injuries, however, was the least of his worries. He didn’t know how to act around them anymore. He jumped at every sound, he was sure he wouldn’t be able to handle any touching, and there was no way he can hear the name Pretty Boy without some sort of reaction.

There was also the small nagging feeling in the back of his mind. He couldn’t figure out why Mark even let him go. 

_Everything he did profiled as someone who had no intention of letting me get out of there alive. He didn’t even cover his face. It’s obvious from the way he acted that I wasn’t his first victim, and–_ Reid grimaced, cutting off that thought– _Except for the threat on Henry he made, he didn’t do anything to prevent me from reporting this. Nothing is adding up, there has to be some other way he is stopping the others from reporting._

Without any other leads and nothing else to do, Reid ended up staring out the window, dreading the moment the sun would rise. The light peeking through his curtains signifying the moment he would have to leave the relative safety of his home, go to work and try to fool a room full of profilers into thinking that nothing had happened over the weekend and that he was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a little harder to write. I have no experience with rape or the aftermath, and I tried my best to make it realistic and respectful while still helping the plot. Please let me know if there is anything that I wrote that doesn’t match up.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid goes back to work...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all sooo much for your responses!! Enjoy!

Morgan glanced towards door again, slightly worried. It wasn’t often he got in before most of his team, (he liked his sleep) and it was especially rare that he came in before a certain genius. The kid practically lived here. Hope filled him when he heard the door open, and he tried not to be disappointed when Prentiss shuffled in, looking exhausted.

“Have fun over the weekend Prentiss?” He asked jokingly.

Prentiss grumbled in response, “Remind me never to go to bars past 11 when I have work the next day.”

Morgan winced sympathetically, “hangover?”

“A killer one.”

After she got settled at her desk, Morgan asked, “Hey, you haven’t happened to see Reid have you?” 

“You mean he’s not here?”

“Not yet. It’s weird, he’s normally the second one in everyday.”

“Yeah, that’s really not like him.” Prentiss looked back at the door, similar to how Morgan did only minutes earlier. “Oh, wait. I think I see him.”

Morgan turned again, just in time to see Reid stumble in–and oh man–if he thought Prentiss looked bad, the kid looked like he’d been run over by a semi. His clothes were messed up, like he had thrown them on on his way out the door, his hair was even messier than usual and the bags under his eyes looked like they were black eyes instead.

Morgan spoke up once Reid was in earshot, “You okay there Pretty Boy?”

The reaction he got was not what he was expecting. Reid seemed to stiffen, and when he turned around, he was as white as a ghost.

“I-I’m fine Morgan. Why do you ask?”

“You just seemed a little out of it coming in, that’s all.” Morgan said, hoping to get more out of the younger man.

“Yeah, my alarm didn’t go off this morning, and I slept in.” Reid looked down, not meeting his eyes.

“...Okay, well, I’m glad you’re here now then.” He replied, unconvinced.

Reid nodded and turned back to his desk, pulling out different files from his messenger bag.

It was a couple minutes later that Morgan realized that the young genius wasn’t sitting down, and instead was staring at his chair like it would attack him. Worry creeped back up as he watched Reid.

“Are you going to sit down?” Morgan asked slowly.

Reid jumped, “ye-yeah. I just, um, I-I fell down the stairs yesterday? So, sitting down kinda hurts.”

“What, did you bruise your tailbone?” Morgan joked.

Reid just looked down again, embarrassed.

The worry seeping into his chest grew bigger. “Okay...well, would a pillow help?”

“I’m not sure.” Reid whispered. 

“Why don’t you sit tight, and I’ll go see if I can find you one, okay?”

Reid bit his lip and nodded, “Yeah, okay.”

Morgan stood up and headed towards Garcia’s office. There was bound to be something there that would work.

He rapped his knuckles on the door before letting himself in, in case Garcia was working on something and didn’t want to get snuck up on. 

“Why hello, Chocolate Thunder, what can I do for ya?” Garcia asked with her usual energy, spinning in in her chair so she was facing him.

“Hey Baby Girl. I was wondering if you had some sort of pillow that Reid could sit on. Apparently, he fell down the stairs and bruised his tailbone.”

“Oh my poor baby, is he alright? I got just the thing.” Garcia said, bouncing out of her chair.

“Yeah, I think he’s fine. But you should see him Garcia, he looks like death warmed over.”

“Well, he did take that last case a little hard. Maybe it has something to do with that?” She handed him a pink round pillow, covered in faux fur.

Looking at the pillow, Morgan sighed. “Yeah, maybe. Thanks for the pillow, I’m sure Reid will love it.”

Garcia grinned, “He better, you’re not gonna find anything more comfortable than that.”

Morgan laughed as he turned, going back to the bullpen area.

Reid’s eyes bugged when he saw what was in Morgan’s hands. “Seriously Morgan? You couldn’t have just gotten me something off of one of the couches?”

Morgan laughed, reaching over to pat Reid on the shoulder, “Hey, Garcia says it’s the most comfortable around. If I were you, I’d take it, Pretty Boy.”

Reid flinched and stepped away from his hand, eyes downcast. The change was so abrupt that Morgan felt like he had been slapped in the face. “Thanks Morgan.” Reid mumbled before taking the pillow and slowly sitting down, failing to hold back a wince.

Morgan just stood there, confused. Everything had been fine, Reid had started to seem a little more like himself for a moment there, but then everything changed, like the flip of a switch. He shook his head and sat down at his own desk. He hoped that whatever was going on with the young genius, he would tell him eventually. But until then, he decided to keep an extra close eye on him, just to make sure.

———

So far, Reid felt like he was failing spectacularly. He had lost track of time and in his haste to get out the door, he had reopened his barely closed wounds. He spent far too long struggling to stop the bleeding and cover what he could, only to be questioned the second he stepped into the office. Not only that, but he had also froze when Morgan talked to him, making up some flimsy excuse about falling down the stairs, and now he was stuck sitting on a fluffy pink pillow in the middle of the bullpen area. 

Granted, said fluffy pink pillow has helped more than he was willing to admit, allowing him to sit at least semi comfortably. There was still a burning pain shooting up from his backside, but it had dulled enough that if he concentrated, he was able to get a little work done.

Unfortunately that concentration had made him unaware of his surroundings, so when a hand landed on his shoulder, he nearly jumped out of his skin. It took everything he had not to cry out in pain as he turned to see who it was.

“Woah, you okay? I didn’t mean to startle you, Spence.”

Reid sighed in relief, the nickname coming from JJ’s mouth washing over him like a cool river. At least Mark hadn’t tainted this name as well. “Yeah, I’m fine, just had a long weekend.”

JJ nodded, “Yeah, Garcia told me about your little accident with the stairs.” She said sarcastically.

“No, really. There are over 1 million injuries a year that are a result of stairway falls. Stairway accidents are actually one of the leading causes of accidental injury, second only to motor vehicle accidents.” Reid rambled, trying to distract her.

“Ok...then I have another question for you.” She paused, looking hesitant. “I’m sorry Spence, but you look exhausted, are you okay? And why are you wearing a scarf? We’re inside.”

“Technically that was two questions.” Reid said.

“Spence,” JJ gave a warning.

“Okay, fine.” Reid sighed. “I think I got something from the last case. Just a 48 hour bug, and when I tried to leave the house to get medicine yesterday, I fell. I’m almost over it, but I didn’t get much sleep this weekend. I’m also cold, which is why I’m wearing the scarf,” he lied.

JJ stared at him for a minute before she accepted the answer. “Ok, if you’re sure that’s all-“

“I’m sure,” Reid cut her off, offering her a smile.

“Just know, that we’re always here for you. If you ever need _anything._ ”

“I know.” Reid nodded.

JJ sat there looking at him for another minute, almost like she was searching for something, before she got up, “Okay, let me know if you need anything.” She patted his shoulder as she left.

Reid sat there stunned. He had expected the touch to his shoulder to make him uncomfortable, like Morgan’s had earlier, but he only felt comforted by it. The realization that JJ, at least for now, didn’t scare him when she touched him, left him almost giddy. Smiling, he turned back at the files he was working on.

———

Hotch looked out of his office window, something close to concern in his expression. It was late and most of his team had gone home for the day, leaving the bullpen area nearly empty. However, that is not what caused the concern written on his face. Throughout the day, he had had not one, but three members of his team express their concerns for another member of their team. 

He had initially written off their concerns, their last case had been tough on all of them. Now though, watching Reid sit stock still in his chair, not making any effort to even read the files sitting on his desk, Hotch wondered if there was more going on. Thinking back, he tried to remember what exactly about Reid had concerned his team today.

_Hotch looked up from the file he was working on when he heard a sharp knock on his office door._

_“Come in.” He called, only slightly surprised to see Morgan open the door and step inside. “Morgan. Did you finish the consult I left on your desk this morning?”_

_“Not yet Hotch.” Morgan rubbed his knuckles on the palm of his other hand, a clear sign that something was bothering him, “This is something else.”_

_Hotch gestured to the chairs in front of his desk, “Have a seat.” He waited until Morgan was comfortable before asking, “What seems to be bothering you?”_

_“It’s Reid, he’s been off all morning.”_

_“How so?”_

_“He came in late to work, and you know him Hotch, the kid is always one of the first people here.” He had noticed a strange absence in the early hours of the morning, but hadn’t given it any thought until that moment, “And when he did finally show up, he looked like he hadn’t slept all weekend.”_

_“That could be due to the case we had last week, he seemed to take it harder than the rest of us.” Hotch countered._

_“Yeah, that’s what Garcia said too.”_

_“But you think differently?”_

_“He was acting fine when I dropped him off Friday night. Even then, it’s possible he just had an off morning, everyone does. But it hasn’t gotten better. He’s taking longer on his files than I am, and been spacing out for minutes at a time.”_

_Hotch knit his eyebrows together, that was worrying. Given Reid’s abilities, he is able to complete his paperwork in about half the time Morgan does. He often takes on his team member’s paperwork on top of his own because he finds it relaxing. The fact that Reid is struggling to finish what he’s been given is a cause for concern._

_Morgan continues, oblivious to his Boss’s thoughts, “And he’s hurt–“_

_“Wait, Reid’s injured?”_

_“Yeah, he’s been trying to hide it, but he has a small limp. He says he fell down the stairs over the weekend, but I don’t know. He didn’t even sit down until I got him a pillow to cushion his seat.”_

_“This is Reid, though. It’s possible that he slipped on the way to his apartment.” He held up a hand to stop Morgan’s protests, “But given his behavior, there could be more going on. I’ll keep an eye on him, and if it gets worse, I’ll make sure to talk to him.”_

_Morgan sighed before he stood up, “Thanks Hotch.”_

_He nodded, “Please keep me updated if there is a change, and try to talk to him. It would be better if he opened up to you before I talked to him. And please have that consult on my desk before you leave today.”_

_“Of course.” Morgan nodded before closing the door behind him, leaving Hotch to think over what he had learned._

_It had only been a couple hours before another knock shook Hotch out of his thoughts. This time, the door opened before he could call them inside._

_“Hotch, I have a couple possible cases for you to go over. There’s one in South Carolina that I think would be worth looking into. Someone has been killing business men and women in their homes, about two a month. The local police couldn’t find any traces at the crime scene, but it seems like the UnSub is devolving. The cool down period between the killings is getting smaller and the police are worried it’s going to turn into a spree.”_

_Hotch grabbed the offered files and put them on his desk, “Thank you JJ, I’ll look into it and get back to you by tomorrow at the latest.” He dismissed her before going back to the file he was working on before. He looked up a couple seconds later to see JJ standing in the same spot as before, her teeth worrying her lip. “Was there something else you needed?”_

_JJ looked at her hands before quickly closing the door and sitting in the same seat Morgan had hours earlier, “I’m worried about Spence.”_

_Hotch blinked, surprised. But before he could organize his thoughts, JJ was already talking again._

_“I just–he hasn’t been himself all morning. Garcia said that he got hurt falling down the stairs, and when I went to make sure he was alright...I don’t know, it didn’t seem right.”_

_“What didn’t?” Hotch prompted for the second time that day._

_“He was spacing out when I went to talk to him, and when I put my hand on his shoulder to get his attention, he flinched. He actually flinched.” She stopped, taking a breath, “The whole conversation just seemed a little fake. He said he was sick and that’s why he stumbled on the stairs. It makes sense, and it’s _Spence._ There’s no reason why I shouldn’t believe him, but there was something wrong. I don’t know what it was, and I know that’s not a lot of information, but–“_

_“JJ,” Hotch cut her off, “it’s okay, I believe you. Morgan came in earlier today with similar concerns.”_

_“He did?”_

_“Yes, and I promised that I would keep and eye on him and talk to him if it gets any worse.”_

_“Oh, okay.” JJ looked a little flustered, which was a rare sight in and of itself. “Thank you Hotch. I’m sorry for bothering you.”_

_“There’s nothing wrong with being worried, JJ. Thank you for coming to me.”_

_She gave a soft smile before standing up and leaving the room. The door closed behind her, once again leaving Hotch with his own worries, which only seemed to be growing throughout the day._

_Hotch was packing up a few hours after his encounter with JJ, getting ready to leave for lunch when his routine was interrupted yet again. He bit back a sigh when he saw Rossi walk into the room._

_“Dave, I was about to get lunch. Would you like to join me?”_

_“Maybe another time, Aaron. This isn’t a house call.”_

_Hotch lowered himself back into his chair, this time failing to stop the sigh from leaving his mouth. “Is something wrong?”_

_“Someone, actually.”_

_“Reid.” The name came out more of a statement than a question._

_Rossi nodded, “The kid’s trying to hide something, but based on your reaction, he’s doing a spectacularly bad job of it.”_

_“Morgan and JJ have already come in with their own concerns.”_

_“Ah, I see.”_

_“What have you seen?”_

_“Probably nothing you haven’t heard before. I haven’t had the chance to talk to him yet.”_

_“But you still noticed something was wrong?” Hotch was beginning to think he should have given Reid the day off._

_“I could only see from the window in my office, but he’s been jumpy all day. I don’t think he’s been able to get much done based on how easily he was distracted. Honestly, the kid looks like he will topple over any second.”_

_Hotch rubbed his forehead, “I told Morgan and JJ I would keep an eye on him. Do you have any advice?”_

_Rossi hummed, “Short of feeding him some sleeping pills and sitting him down for a good, long talk...” He paused thinking it over, “I’m not sure. I only came down here to make sure you knew something was up. I assume you have a plan?”_

_“I asked Morgan to talk to him. Reid’s always been the most comfortable with him.”_

_“That’s a good call.” Rossi stood up with a sigh, “Give it some time Aaron, if it’s too much for him, I’m sure Spencer will reach out.”_

Hotch had agreed with Rossi at the moment, but he was having second thoughts. Reid had always hid his struggles from the team, worried any sign of weakness would lose him his job. He watched as Reid, who thought he was alone in the bullpen, struggled to his feet and limped out the door, holding back tears. Giving one last worried look at the figure next to the elevator, Hotch resolved to help Reid if he didn’t show signs of improvement by the end of the week, even if he didn’t want it.

———

If Reid believed in luck, he would like to think he was getting an unusually large amount of it, especially for him, since at least Tuesday. For one, things had quieted down at work. They hadn’t had to leave for a new case for the past few days, which gave him time to heal before he was forced into the jet for and undisclosed amount of time. His injuries were healing slowly as it was, and the seemingly constant pain made it hard for him to sit still for extended amounts of time. 

Throughout the week, he had also been able to finally figure out how to convince his team that he was doing fine, though it had taken a bit of trial and error. He knew, in the first couple of days after the incident, that they were worried about him. They hadn’t stopped trying to get him to talk to them, and nothing he did seemed to reassure them. But, after the first half of the week, he had finally started to convince his team that he was getting better. Though it was hard, he was able to keep a mask up around his team.

The mask that he had carefully forged and wore around his coworkers, though, was just that. A mask. As soon as he was away from prying eyes, everything came rushing back and it was all he could do to keep himself from falling apart. He didn’t feel safe anywhere. He had bought four new locks for his door, as well as locks for his windows and he always had his gun in his hand, constantly prepared for an attack. Phantom hands and vivid flashbacks were his constant companion. He could barely keep any food down and no matter how hard he tried, sleep wouldn’t come. On the few occasions that he could catch a few hours, his dreams were plagued with memories and nightmares about Mark and the small room he was kept in.

After a particularly bad nightmare, about a week after he was released, it all got to be too much. He woke up in a cold sweat and couldn’t get Mark out of his head. He just wanted to _forget_ , if only for a little while.

Frantically, almost hysterically, he leapt out of his bed and collapsed on the floor next to a loose board. He quickly pried the board away and snatched the contents of the secret compartment like a lifeline. With a practiced hand, almost as if he had never stopped, he pulled the contents of the vile into the needle, not caring how much he actually put in. He just needed relief from the constant stress his life had become. He then wrapped his belt around his arm and felt around for a vein.

The needle was just about to pierce his skin when he suddenly snapped out of the haze. He froze for less than a second before scrambling away from the needle as if it had burned him, the gravity of what he had almost done sinking in. Breathing heavily and scared out of his mind, Reid did the only thing he could think of. Scrambling again, he found the needle and the bottle through the tears welling up in his eyes and ran to the bathroom.

He had kept the Dilaudid after Hankel as a reminder that he was stronger than him. But that mistake had almost cost him years of hard work. So, after squirting the contents of the needle down the drain, his shaky hands popped the lid off of the remaining bottle he had, and the liquid inside followed the same path. He watched as it swirled down the drain, desperately hoping he hadn’t just made a huge mistake.

He stared at the sink for a few more minutes, unable to move. Even though he had gotten rid of the drug, he was still shaking with fear from the nightmare, and the cravings were stronger than they had ever been. 

Making a split second decision, Reid threw his shoes and jacket on, and stumbled out the door, barely managing to lock the it behind him. He couldn’t handle the memories or the intense cravings right now, and even though this would cause even more confusion in the morning, he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, no. What’s Reid gonna do?
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Hope you liked it. 😁


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! We have a new chapter!! Hope you all had a Happy Halloween. I honestly completely spaced it until halfway through the day of. I’ve spent most of this week doing homework and taking tests, so...
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Reid ran down the stairs of his apartment building as fast as his body would let him. Trying to shake the feeling of eyes on him yet again, he turned and ran towards his car. Normally, he avoided driving as much as he could, but the trains didn’t run at this time and in the state he was in, he didn’t know what would happen if he had to wait any longer.

After breaking a few traffic laws in his panic, Reid finally pulled up to the house. He sat in the dark for a couple minutes, trying to decide if he should actually go in. The drive had given him time to calm down slightly, and he was starting to regret the decision he made. It was late, a lot later than he had realized, and he didn’t want to wake them up. He could still turn back, it wasn’t too late. 

But then he closed his eyes, and he was back in the room. He could feel the blindfold around his eyes and the roaming hands on his body. He slammed his eyes open, only to be met with the same suffocating blackness. Terrified, he had to feel around his eyes just to make sure that there wasn’t really a blindfold there. With that, the decision was already made for him. He fumbled with the door handle before all but falling out of his car and running towards the door.

Without giving himself time to have second thoughts, he pounded lightly on the door, hoping he would only wake one person up and waited. Even though he was expecting it, he jumped at the sound of the door unlocking and looked up at who had answered with wide eyes.

“Reid? What are you doing here?” Will asked, looking surprised to see him this late at night.

“Is–is JJ awake?” 

“Yeah...just wait here for a second, I can go get her.”

Suddenly, Reid was thrown back to the night he had a similar conversation with Mark, right before he was taken. He panicked, “Actually! Actually, would it be alright if I came in?”

“I don’t see why not,” Will opened the door further, “You can sit on the couch if you want while I get her.”

“Thanks.” Once Will left the room, Reid collapsed on the couch and buried his head in his shaking hands. He couldn’t stop the flashes of memory from coming to the front of his mind, and his still healing body screaming at him from the rough treatment of the night. With the cravings on top of that, he was quickly devolving into a panic.

“Spence?” JJ asked and Reid jerked his head up, startled. He had been so lost in thought that he hadn’t heard her come in. “Are you alright?”

“I-“ Reid cut himself off. He had almost told her the whole thing right then. The words were eating him up inside and for a second, he knew she would understand. But he didn’t. “I don’t know,” He whispered instead.

“What’s wrong?” She patiently asked, sitting down on the couch next to him.

“I don’t know,” He said again. That was a lie. He knew exactly what was wrong.

“Okay...well, what do you need from me?”

Frustrated, Reid replied honestly, “I don’t know.”

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay...come here.” JJ opened her arms up to him and Reid softly leaned against her shoulder, savoring the touch. Her hand ran slowly up and down his back, and though Reid had never liked being touched, especially recently, it quieted his mind and eased his worries. It was then that Reid realized that that was exactly what he had needed.  


———

JJ looked up a couple hours later to see Will leaning against the doorway. Spence had laid his head down in her lap not long ago and was finally sleeping.

“How is he?” Will asked.

JJ softly shushed him, glancing at Reid. Slowly, she lifted his head from her lap and stood up, placing a pillow underneath him. After making sure he hadn’t woken up, they made their way back to their bedroom. “Honestly, I’m not sure. He’s been acting on edge this whole week, but it was never this bad.”

“He hasn’t said anything?”

“No, it’s like he’s completely shut us out. I’m worried about him.”

“Yeah, he was pretty spooked when I answered the door earlier.”

“What do you mean?” JJ asked.

“He was jittery, I think I scared him when I unlocked the door. He didn’t want to be left alone, either. When I told him to wait while I went and got you, he turned white. He seemed really scared, Jayje.”

JJ sighed, “It was about the same when I talked to him. He was pulling on his hair when I came in, and he didn’t even notice me until I spoke up. He was terrified, but it almost seemed like he couldn’t tell me about it.”

Will turned to look at her, “We can ask him more in the morning, but we should really get some sleep. We both have work tomorrow.”

JJ smiled and kissed him, “Alright, I’ll talk to him in the morning.” She rolled over and closed her eyes, but she was wide awake. She was too worried about Spence to get any more sleep.

———

The next morning, JJ was shaken from her thoughts by movement coming from the other side of the bed.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you JJ. Go back to sleep.” Will whispered.

“What are you doing?” JJ whispered back.

“Well, you had a rough night, so I was going to make some breakfast and let you sleep.” Will mumbled.

JJ laughed, “That’s sweet, but I’m already up. How about I help you?”

“You sure? There’s not much that actually needs to be done.”

“Yeah, you can make the pancakes and I’ll start on the eggs.” JJ said, getting out of bed.

“...As long as you’re sure.” Will followed her to the kitchen.

“Just make sure to be quiet, Spence is still asleep.” JJ whispered.

The two of them snuck past the couch and into the kitchen. For the next couple minutes, they made breakfast as silently as they could. JJ was just finishing up the eggs and Will was cooking the pancakes when a pair of small feet came into the kitchen.

Looking over, JJ saw Henry rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “Hey Henry, breakfast is almost ready, could you wash your hands so you can come eat?”

Henry nodded sleepily, “Okay mommy.”

JJ knelt down next to him and smiled, “People are still asleep, so you need to be as quiet as a mouse, do you think you can do it?”

Henry smiled back at her, whisper-yelling, “I can be a ninja!”

“And I bet you would be the best ninja. Now go to the bathroom and clean up, little ninja.”

Henry giggled and tiptoed into the bathroom. JJ smiled again as she stood up and turned to Will, “I’m going to go check on Spence. Are you okay with finishing up here?”

Will nodded, “Yeah, I’m almost done.”

JJ nodded and left the kitchen. She quietly made her way to the couch, making sure not to wake the other person. When she got there, though, Spence was already sitting up.

“Sorry if we woke you up,” she said, and Spence jumped.

“I didn’t hear you come in.” He breathed.

JJ sat next to him, “I thought you were asleep, I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“You didn’t.” 

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Spence spoke again, “I’m sorry for waking you up so late last night. I don’t...I don’t really know what I was thinking.”

“It’s okay, sometimes you just need someone to be with you, no matter what time it is.”

Spence nodded, “I just...I woke up, and I was _so scared_ , JJ. I couldn’t–couldn’t stop it.”

“Nightmare?” He nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Reid seemed to hesitate, before replying, “No, I’m okay now. I just–last night, I almost–“ he cut himself off, trying to hold back tears.

JJ just looked at him patiently, letting him take his time.

He looked at her with pleading eyes, “But I didn’t. I came so close JJ, but I didn’t do it. I promise.”

Realization dawned on her, and she jumped to reassure him. “It’s okay Spence, I believe you. You have nothing to be worried about.” A pause. “What made you want to use again?”

He just shook his head, “I can’t-I can’t tell you.”

JJ sighed, “Spence...I–the whole team, actually–we know something is wrong. You haven’t been yourself all week, and then this happens? We all want to help you, but we don’t know how because you won’t talk to us. Please Spence, if whatever is going on is bad enough to almost make you relapse, you need to talk to someone.”

Tears were starting to form in Reid’s eyes, “No, JJ, you don’t understand. I can’t tell you. I just–I _can’t._ ”

“Spence, whatever it is–“

“No!” Reid stood up and turned to face her, “It’s nothing, JJ. I just had a bad night, that’s all. So can you _please_ drop it?”

“No, Spence. I can’t drop it. You came here in the middle of the night terrified. You just told me you almost started using again, after how hard you worked to get yourself clean? This isn’t something I can let go. I’m worried about you.”

“I’m sorry, I just–I _really_ can’t talk about it right now, but it’s nothing. I’m sorry for worrying you, but I’m _fine._ ”

JJ bit her lip, “...Okay. I wont–I don’t want to pressure you. Please tell me, though, are you safe? Are you in any danger?”

“...I’m safe.”

She looked at him, “And you don’t have any drugs with you? Or at home?”

Reid looked down and shook his head, “No. I got–I got rid of those.”

“Alright...I’ll drop it for now. Just promise me, if it gets this bad again, you’ll tell someone. It doesn’t have to be me, I just need to know you’ll talk to someone.”

Reid nodded, “I promise.”

“Thank you.” She stood up and sighed, “Will should be done with breakfast by now, how about we go get some food?”

He looked at her, surprised, “What? You don’t have to, JJ. I can go back to my place to get something to eat.”

“Nope. No arguing. You are eating with us and that’s final.” She turned and headed towards the kitchen, Spence following behind her.

“JJ, really. I don’t want to intrude any more than I already have.”

“You’re not intruding. Henry would love to have you, and Will and I have already decided.”

Reid sighed, resigning himself to it as he followed her into the kitchen. “If it’s not any trouble.”

“It’s not.” JJ said. Just then, Henry caught sight of them.

“Uncle Spence!” He ran to give him a hug.

“Henry! How are you buddy?” Reid said, picking him up.

“Mommy told me I could be a ninja.”

“She did?” Spence raised an eyebrow, looking at JJ. She just shrugged.

“Did you have a sleepover?” Henry asked.

“Yeah, I did. I slept here all night, just so I could see you when I woke up.” He replied, poking Henry’s belly. Henry giggled.

JJ laughed, “Alright, sweetie, go eat your breakfast.” Reid set Henry down and they all headed towards the table for breakfast.  


———

After they ate and cleaned up, JJ turned to Spence. “I’m going to go get dressed, and then we can drive over to your place so you can get ready. Does that sound good?”

“I drove here last night. I can go back by myself. You don’t have to drive me.”

“It’s really no problem, Spence. I could use the company, and so could you.”

After JJ got dressed and ready for work, she said goodbye to Will and Henry, then followed Reid out the door. The drive to his apartment was quiet, with neither of them knowing what to say to fill the silence. JJ watched as he got out of the car and headed towards his apartment.

She sighed as she waited for him. She was honestly terrified. She knew something was wrong with him this past week, but she had thought he was getting better. It didn’t even cross her mind that whatever it was was so bad that he would almost relapse. While she was grateful he had come to her for help, she was worried she made the wrong choice by not pushing him for answers. If it got this bad once, it could happen again and there was always the possibility that he might not be able to stop it.

She looked up to see Spence walking towards her car, looking even worse than he did when he left. He had changed his clothes, but his entire demeanor screamed exhaustion. 

“You sure you don’t want to take a day off, Spence?” She asked once he had gotten back in the car.

“No. I haven’t missed a day of work for three years, five months and nineteen days, I’m not going to start now.”

She shook her head as she started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, “Well, it sounds to me like you need some vacation time.”

It wasn’t until they were almost to the office that either of them spoke again. “Hey JJ?” She shot a quick glance at him to let him know she was listening, he looked hesitant, “Would you be able to keep what happened last night between us? I don’t want the team to worry.”

“Spence, the team is going to worry either way.”

He looked at her, pleading. Shaking her head, she spoke up again, “I can’t just pretend last night didn’t happen. This is serious, and it could affect the entire team.”

“It will just make them baby me more than they already do, please JJ?”

She sighed, trying to fight off the forming headache, “Okay, fine. Last night will stay a secret. For now.” She emphasized. “On one condition.”

Spence stared at her with a look similar to dread on his face.

“One of us is going to tell Hotch about this. He needs to know what’s going on.”

“No, JJ! I can’t tell him, he’ll–he could take me off the team!”

“He won’t take you off the team because of this. It’s just a precaution, besides, he’s worried too.”  


———  


Emily watched curiously as Reid got up to fill his cup with coffee for the sixth time that morning. He ran into JJ on his way to the machine and they started whispering to each other.

She tilted her head in Morgan’s general direction, “What do you think they’re talking about?”

Morgan looked up from the file he had been working on, “Who, JJ and Reid?”

She nodded, “Reid’s been avoiding JJ all day and with how Reid’s been acting lately...”

Morgan leaned back in his chair, “He’s been acting more like himself recently though.”

“Yeah, but something still feels off.” She stood up, moving to follow JJ, “I’m going to ask JJ if she knows anything.”

She left her desk, not needing to look back to know that Morgan was doing the same, and called out JJ’s name before she could get into her office.

She stopped and turned, looking for who called her name before her eyes landed on Morgan and Emily. 

“Hey guys, what’s up?” She asked, looking between the two of them.

Emily took a breath, “We were just wondering if you knew what was going on with Reid.”

“Spence? Why?”

“You two were talking earlier, and we thought that you might know something.” Morgan answered.

“Well...I don’t know much more than you guys. I’ve been trying to get him to talk to Hotch, I thought he might be able to help.”

“But you do know something?” Emily inferred.

“I’m not–He asked me not to tell you...”

Now that was interesting. Emily knew that Reid liked to keep to himself, but they were all pretty close. They all kept secrets from each other, that much was a given, but it was rare to ask someone on the team to keep something from the rest of them. Whatever happened between them, it was probably something Reid was very self-conscious about.

Morgan seemed to come to a similar conclusion, “Guys, I hate to say this, but last time he was acting like this was after Hankel. What if–“

“No.” Emily raised her eyebrows at the stern tone in JJ’s voice, “It’s not that.”

“Are you sure, JJ? We can’t rule anything out.” Emily asked.

“I’m positive.”

“Okay. What else could it be?”

“And who are we gossiping about today?” They turned to see Rossi standing behind them. They all quickly looked away, ashamed. “Ooh, this is about the kid.”

“You’ve noticed too, then?” Emily asked.

“You’d be blind not to see it.” Rossi replied.

“So, what’s your take on it?” Emily asked again.

He paused, “Spencer’s a private person, it’s hard to get him to open up. But I think, if he needs to talk, he’ll talk. But we need to leave that up to him. Whatever the problem is, he seems to have it under control. I think we just need to keep an eye out for him.”

“...Ok, so we let Reid deal with this on his own. What then? What if it only gets worse?” Morgan asked.

“Then we help.” Rossi replied, “But he’s not going to accept our help if we force it into him.”

Emily sighed, “He’s only going to push us away if we keep digging.”

Rossi nodded, and with that, the conversation was over. Making her way back to her desk, Emily thought about what Rossi said. It was true that Reid seemed to be doing better, but whatever happened with JJ could say otherwise. She shook her head and got back to work. She didn’t know what was going on with Reid, but she did know that if it were her, she would want to work it out by herself and on her own terms. The least she could do was let Reid do the same.  


———  


Reid wasn’t exactly sure what happened, but after the incident with JJ, the rest of the team backed off. He had (reluctantly) told Hotch about some of what happened the night he went over to JJ’s, but other than that, work had been surprisingly uneventful. His wounds healed, a few turning into small white scars, and he and JJ fell into a sort of routine. It never got as bad as it had the first time, but whenever he had a bad nightmare or couldn’t handle being alone, he would either call JJ or drive over to her house. He knew these nights, though extremely rare, only worried her more, and she was trying hard not to question him, but her quiet support was doing more for him than she could imagine.

He was also very grateful to the team. Even though they had given him space, it was obvious that their worry had increased slightly after his little screw up. Despite this, they stopped asking him questions, and eventually they fell into a routine as well, their worry yet again moving to the back of their minds.

They never questioned some of the new habits he had, though it was obvious they wanted to when he first started doing them. They didn’t ask him why he never wore shirts with sleeves shorter than below his elbow (any glimpse of the tattoo on his arm sends Reid into a flashback). They never asked him why he stopped wearing a tie to work (the first time he tried, after the burn marks had healed, he nearly passed out. The feeling of the tie around his neck felt too similar to the shock collar). And they never asked him why his hand flew to his gun every time someone walked into the room (he can’t tell them that he sees Mark everywhere he goes. That every stranger is now a threat, and he won’t be caught off guard again).

Reid was starting to think that he had done it. That after all the tears, lying and secrets, he had successfully pushed that weekend down so far, it was never going to get out in the open.

Eight weeks after the attack, his fragile world came crashing down on top of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly love the friendship JJ and Reid have. I feel like I’m dragging it out a little too much, but there will be more going on next chapter, this one was a little bit of a filler...sort of...
> 
> Hope you liked it!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very dialog heavy, just letting you know. Hopefully I didn’t butcher it too badly. 😅
> 
> Also any facts or info I put in this chapter were found through google, so please let me know if something is wrong. I want to try and make it as accurate as I can.

“BAU, we have a case. Meet in the conference room in five.” Hotch announced grimly before going to the conference room himself.

Prentiss looked over at Reid once Hotch had left, “Wow, this one must be bad. I haven’t seen Hotch look like that for a while.”

He nodded, “47 days to be exact. I wonder what the case is about.”

“Well, what better way to find out than to get up there and check it out?” Prentiss stood up and headed up the stairs. A couple seconds later, Reid set down the pen he had been playing with and followed her up.

After everyone had settled in their usual seats at the table, Hotch nodded to Garcia, telling her to start the briefing.

She stood up, taking a breath, “Buckle up my little crime fighters, because this one is a doozy. On Wednesday of last week, DC police got a call about a body off a local nature path. When they arrived at the scene, this is what they found.” She clicked a button on the remote, bringing up a picture of a body. “They have identified him as 27 year old Dr. Conner Lynch, a psychologist who just opened his own office.

“He has marks on his wrists and neck that suggest he was held for an extended period of time. Bruising on his torso looks like it came from a pretty severe beating and...um, there was evidence of repeated sexual assault.” She finished, sitting back down.

Prentiss looked at her tablet, “Do they know what the cause of death was?”

Hotch nodded, “Cause of death was electrocution, from what looks like a shock collar. The Coroner placed his time of death at around afternoon of the previous Sunday.”

“Can a normal shock collar even kill a human?” Morgan wondered. There was an awkward silence following his question. Everyone had been expecting Reid to pipe up with his usual statistics to answer the question, but when they looked over, he was just sitting there, pale faced and frozen. “Reid?” Morgan tried to get his attention.

Reid snapped back to attention, “Sorry, I was lost in thought. The...um–“ he cleared his throat, “the human body can sustain up to 2,000 volts at a steady current. Any current above 2,700 volts are often fatal, with almost certain death at 11,000 volts of electricity. The typical sho-shock collar goes up to 6,000 volts.”

If anyone noticed his stumble on the words, they didn’t voice it.

“That would be a yes.” Rossi interpreted.

Prentiss spoke up again, “So, our Unsub takes our victim, beats him and brutally rapes him–“ Reid flinched at the word “–Before killing him by electrocution? With the amount of rage presented, you think he would go for a messier kill.”

“Maybe he didn’t want to do the cleanup.” JJ offered.

Morgan shook his head, “Sorry, but why is this a BAU case? There’s only one victim, there’s no evidence this was serial.”

“Oh!” Garcia cut in, “Yes. There is, in fact, more to it. Yesterday, almost exactly a week after the previous body was discovered, they found another body buried next to yet another nature path. Expept this one was on the opposite side of the city. They haven’t identified him yet.”

JJ looked at her tablet, “There are signs of electrocution, but the cause of death seems to be internal bleeding. Why change?”

“He could be experimenting. Based the way he disposed of the bodies, he’s pretty new to this. Maybe he doesn’t now what he likes yet.” Rossi answered.

“Yeah,” Morgan nodded his head, “But I don’t think he’s as new to this as it seems. Look at the injuries on both victims. There’s no hesitation marks on either of them, he’s probably done this before.”

“Besides,” JJ added, “The dumpsites themselves are pretty well thought out. They may not be very hidden, but he’s obviously smart. Exposure to the weather could wash away evidence and speed up the decomposing process.”

“What-what about the tattoos?” Reid whispered, rubbing his arm. Everyone except Hotch and Garcia looked at their tablets, apparently missing this detail before.

“As usual, boy genius is right. They found a tattoo of eight birds spiraling up Doctor Lynch’s upper left arm. It looked like it was new, but they weren’t able to figure out if he got it before he was taken or while he was in captivity.” Garcia answered.

Hotch spoke up again, “That is, until they found a similar tattoo on on the body they found yesterday. He had nine birds on his upper left arm.”

Morgan’s eyes widened, “He’s numbering his victims.”

Hotch nodded.

“But why a bird? What’s the significance?” Prentiss wondered.

“It a dove.” Reid mumbled, hugging himself, “They are often used to symbolize innocence and peace.”

JJ looked at Reid, worried. “So, he’s mocking them,” she started slowly, “branding them with something that symbolizes what he took from them.”

“Wait, you mean to tell me this Unsub has killed nine people and we’re just finding out about it? Have no other bodies been discovered yet?” Morgan asked.

Hotch shook his head, “The local police are searching the woods near both dumpsites but haven’t found anything yet. Their working theory is that this Unsub wasn’t getting recognition for his kills and decided to leave the bodies in a more traveled area, and after figuring out the connection with the tattoos, they reached out to us in order to find this Unsub before the body count grows even more.” He stood up, “Okay, even though the case is local, the police chief wants us to work out of their building. Reid, I want you to go to the station and start working on the geographical profile. Dave, Doctor Lynch’s fiancé is there as well, interview her, learn what you can about him.

“JJ and Prentiss, I want you to go to the first dumpsite, see if you can find anything that the police may have missed. Morgan and I will do the same with the second.” Hotch stopped, looking at Garcia, “The tattoos suggest that there are seven more victims out there that we haven’t found yet. Garcia, go through police records both here and in surrounding cities, try and find any John Doe’s that fit this Unsub’s MO. Let’s get to work.”

The team took that as a dismissal and stood up, pairing off to do the assignments they were given. Rossi, noticing that Reid had made no move to get up, hung back as well. He waited until everyone else left the room before speaking.

“You alright there kiddo?”

Reid blinked, suddenly aware that they were the only ones in the room. “I’m-I’m fine. Where is everyone?”

“We finished the briefing, they all left to work the case. Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah. We’re going to the police station, right?” Rossi nodded. “Okay, let’s get going.” Reid left the room in a hurry, only giving Rossi the option to follow.

———

Reid stayed silent the whole ride to the station. He felt like he was in the eye of a storm, numb to all the chaos going on around him. It wasn’t until he had seen the tattoos on the two bodies that he finally figured out the full significance of the four doves on his arm. The knowledge that he wasn’t Mark’s first victim didn’t shock him, but now he couldn’t help but think that the deaths of the other victims were his fault. He _knew_ that Mark was going to go after more victims, but he still did nothing about it, and now people were dying because of it.

He was also nervous about his team. Getting assigned to this case, specifically, hadn’t even crossed his mind in the weeks after his attack, and he wasn’t prepared for it at all. He had spent so long convincing everyone he knew that he was fine, and now they were looking for the man that had taken so much from him. 

Even with the limited information they had, it was only a matter of time before they figured out that some of Mark’s victims were still alive. If Reid could get himself to tell the truth, he could even help speed the investigation up. But as soon as that thought crossed his mind, a spike of fear shot through him and he quickly discarded the idea. A wave of nausea soon replaced it. He was more worried about his relationships and his job than he was about other people’s lives. He wasn’t even strong enough to tell his team the truth in order to catch a killer.

As soon as Rossi put the car in park, Reid was out of the car. He needed to get out of there before he threw up all over the seats. Breathing heavily and trying to force the bile back down his throat, he ignored the worried glance Rossi threw him and followed him into the station.

He didn’t even wait to be introduced to the chief. As soon as he walked inside, Reid made a beeline for the bathroom. He quickly made sure no one else was there before locking the door. Leaning over a toilet, he breathed heavily and tried to keep his small lunch from making a reappearance. Memories that he had worked so hard to bury came to the front of his mind, and he gagged. Tears formed in his eyes as his stomach clenched and he threw up the little food he was able to eat that day.

After a couple minutes of dry heaving, he leaned his head against the toilet seat, ignoring the amount of germs that had to be there. _I can’t protect him anymore,_ he decided, _but I can’t tell the team either. I’ll have to find a way I can do both. In order to find Mark at all, they need to know that he didn’t kill all of his victims._

He sighed as he stood back up and went over to the sink. Without looking at his reflection, he rinsed out his mouth and washed his hands. After he left the bathroom, he pinned a map of DC on the board that was in the conference room set up for them and stared at it. The last thing he wanted to do was find the house where his life was ruined. _But,_ he thought, _it is a way to use what I know without the team finding out._ With that in mind, he started pinning the locations of the dumpsites as well as Lynch’s houses, mentally putting his own up there as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline in case you are confused at all:  
> Sunday: Conner Lynch is killed  
> Wednesday: Conner Lynch’s body is discovered  
> The next Sunday: John Doe is killed  
> Wednesday: John Doe’s body is discovered  
> Thursday: The team is assigned the case
> 
> Hope that helps a little bit, I know it might have been a little confusing...


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I’m baack. I’m not honestly sure if I like this chapter or not, but I have finished it, so I might as well post it. 
> 
> Please comment and tell me what you think or if there is a way I can improve this chapter.
> 
> Thanks!

Prentiss glanced at JJ as she drove to the dumpsite.

“What’s up?” She asked, looking back at the road.

“…What?” JJ sounded startled.

“You’re playing with your ring. It’s one of your tells.”

JJ let out a breath of air, that could almost be considered a laugh as she stilled her hands, “I’m fine, it doesn’t really have anything to do with the case anyway.”

“Something’s bothering you, though. What’s going on?”

“No, it can wait, we need to focus on the case.”

Emily scoffed, “If you haven’t noticed, we still have quite a while before we get to the dumpsite. We have plenty of time.”

JJ hesitated, “…Alright, fine, but you can’t tell anyone about this, especially Spence…at least not yet.” She waited until Emily agreed before continuing, “Remember–I think it was about two months ago–when Spence was acting off?”

She nodded, “Yeah, but I thought he handled whatever it was.”

“I don’t–I don’t think he did. Whatever happened, it was more serious than he let on. There was one night in particular–he didn’t want me to say anything about it–but…well, he–he came to my house in the middle of the night after a nightmare. Emily, he told me that he almost relapsed, that’s how bad it was. I thought–I thought he was getting better after that, things started to return to normal and he only came over a couple more times, but now I’m not so sure.”

“He almost started using Dilaudid again?” JJ nodded, so Emily continued, “How did–I thought he got rid of everything.”

“I did too, and I made sure after that night that he actually got rid of it, but I’m still worried about him.”

“What happened? What did you guys talk about?”

“It was mostly me trying to convince him to talk to me, but he wouldn’t open up. All I know is that something really scared him. I’m not sure if it was the drugs or if it was something else.”

“You said that you thought things were getting better until recently. What made you change your mind?”

“I–He…He seemed off again today. He could barely even focus during the briefing.”

“I noticed that too. He seemed distracted.” Emily said as she pulled into the parking lot.

JJ nodded, “I know that I’m probably overthinking it, but I don’t know. Thanks for listening, I really needed to get that off my chest.”

“It was no problem, JJ. And if you’re worried, I’ll make sure to keep an eye out, okay?”

“Yeah, okay. Thanks. Let’s–Let’s get back to the case.”

Emily nodded, and they both stepped out of the car. A local police officer was waiting by the trail opening in order to lead them to the area that the body was found. After some quick introductions, they all started following the trail. After about 20 minutes of walking, they finally came across a line of yellow tape.

“We opened the area back up to the public a couple days after the body was found. We didn’t know there was a connection to any other bodies then, thought it was just a one time thing. I’m not sure what you expect to find now though. Any evidence would have washed away by now.” The officer–Officer Richards–commented.

“Sometimes the area where the Unsub places the body can tell us a lot about them. We look for the behavior shown in how and where the body was placed.” JJ explained while Prentiss climbed down off the trail.

Prentiss looked up, “So the body was found here. It was placed in a shallow grave, not very well hidden. What took them so long to find it?”

“From here, it would be hard to see, if I wasn’t looking for it. It would have to be completely uncovered for it to be easily found.” JJ answered.

Richards nodded, “There was heavy rain the night before we found the body, so that could explain it.”

“Are there any other roads leading to this area?” Prentiss asked, looking around.

“The one we came from is the closest to this area, but there are other less traveled trails that lead here as well.”

“And in the middle of the night, almost no one would see you.“ Prentiss concluded.

“Still,” JJ spoke up, “This is pretty far in. To carry a body that far, you’d have to be pretty strong.”

“Or smart.” Prentiss called out, climbing back up, “This area is pretty well traveled. If the Unsub were to bring a bike, or even a wagon, the prints he left behind would be gone by the next day. Though the hike up here with a body would still be pretty unpleasant.”

“Okay, that would make sense, but why choose this spot in the first place? If he wanted the body found, there’s plenty of easier areas where the body would be found much quicker.” JJ said.

Prentiss hummed, “Even with his high body count, this almost looks amateur. Maybe he’s just showing off, or challenging himself? Trying to see how much he can get away with before he’s caught?”

“Alright, let’s go see what the others have found.” JJ turned back to walk the way they came, with Prentiss following soon after.

———

Reid looked up when he heard the door open. Not long after he had started working on the geographical profile, he started having trouble concentrating. He had moved all of his work into a smaller side room with the hope that the privacy would help him focus on the case easier.

“Hey kid,” Morgan said once he had Reid’s attention, “JJ and Emily are back, Hotch wants us to meet in the conference room to go over any information we found.”

Reid nodded, taking a deep breath. He was really worried what hearing anything about this case, especially when it was about something that he could’ve stopped. After a couple more minutes, Reid braced himself and headed towards the conference room. As soon as everyone was in the room and situated, Hotch started.

“Okay, JJ, what do you have?”

She sighed, “Surprisingly little. The dumpsite was in a well traveled area, so the Unsub had to be very careful when dumping the body. We think he might be giving himself more of a challenge by burying the body in such a difficult area as well as getting the police involved.”

Hotch nodded, “That fits with what Morgan and I found at the other dumpsite. Dave, anything from Lynch’s fiancé?”

“Conner was a hard working, and smart guy who is very good at his job. He just opened his own office even though he got his doctorates just last year. He also volunteered at a homeless shelter three days out of the week, just seems like an overall good guy. According to his fiancé, he texted her about an emergency meeting for work the Friday before he was killed, and that was the last time they talked to each other.”

“The Unsub probably sent that text to stop her from filing a missing persons report.” Morgan said.

Hotch nodded again, “Alright, we don’t have much to work on, and it the Unsub keeps his pattern, he will have his next victim sometime between now and Sunday.” 

“Friday.” Reid said quietly.

Hotch looked at him, “What?”

“The unsub will most likely take his next victim either very late Friday night or early Saturday morning, depending on how you look at it.”

“What makes you say that?”

“We–well the unsub holds his victims for at most two days before killing them. Given the time frame, Friday night would make the most sense.”

“Okay, we’ll work off of that. Even if we have a good idea of the time frame, this Unsub is good at what he does, meaning we don’t have much to go off of right now. We only have a few more hours of daylight, so let’s see what we can find out.”

Reid quickly stood up. “Actually, Hotch. I’m going to go back and work on the geographical profile again. It’s easier for me to focus in the other room.”

“Okay, I’ll have someone come get you when we call it a night.”

Reid nodded and quickly walked back to the side room, trying to fight the guilty feeling in his chest. Tomorrow was Friday, and if Mark stuck to pattern, he would take another victim tomorrow night. 

True to his promise, about five hours later, Hotch sent Prentiss in to let him know that the rest of the team was leaving for the night. Reid, not planning on going home quite yet, told her that he would take the train home before letting her leave with the rest of the team. As soon as he was sure they were gone, he pulled out his phone and called Garcia.

_”Heya Junior G Man, what can I get for ya?”_

“Hi, Garcia. Would you be able to send me photos and names of all the people named Mark living in DC?”

_”…All the people named-Baby boy, do you know how many people that is?”_

“I know it’s the 17th most popular name in the United States. Probably around 2,000?”

_”2,607 people, Reid. What do you even need with that many people named Mark?”_

“Umm, just call it a hunch. I would give you more perimeters, but I don’t have any way for you to narrow it down right now, sorry…so…could you send them over?”

_”Of course I can, but it’s your funeral.”_

He shot a quick “Thanks Garcia” before running to the fax machine and pulling out all of the files. Thankfully, Garcia had managed to only give him the names and pictures of each person, meaning that she was able to fit more than one person on each page. This would hopefully make reading through each one a little easier. Running back to the side room, Reid sat down and prepared himself for an all nighter. It’s not like he would have been able to sleep anyway, at least this way he can get something useful done.  


——— 

Reid let out a frustrated groan. After looking all night and doing even more research, he still hadn’t gotten anywhere. Out of all the Marks that Garcia had sent over, none of them had looked familiar. Some part of him knew that it was unrealistic to hope that he would be able to find Mark this way, but he felt like he needed to do _something._ He had wanted to help the team in a way that he could control, and he thought that if he found Mark’s full name, he would be able to use that to connect him to the murders.

There was a light knock on the door before it opened to reveal a very surprised Morgan, staring at the piles of paper strewn across the room. “Hey, Pretty Boy, what are you doing in here?”

Reid flinched at the nickname. “Nothing, Morgan. I thought I had a lead, but it didn’t pan out.”

“Well, maybe I can help.” He started to reach for one of the papers before Reid jumped in front of him. With Reid right in front of him, Morgan was now able to get a better look at him. “…Did you stay here all night?”

“I couldn’t sleep. You came here for a reason right?”

“I–Yeah, Hotch wanted everyone to meet in the conference room. But Reid–“

Reid ran past him before Morgan could say anything else. Once they both sat down, Hotch turned to the phone on the desk, “Go ahead Garcia.”

_”Alrighty boys and girls, you all better be coming back here with a treat for little old me, because boy, do I have some juicy treats for all of you. First of all, I managed to ID your John Do. You’re very welcome. And I’m going to have to give you all detective points, because you managed to guess his first name correctly. As it turns out, your mystery man is Mr. John Watson, not to be confused with Sherlock’s partner because…well…he’s not actually real, unfortunately, and if he were then I’m pretty sure he would be dead by now because those books were set in, what the 1800’s, but then again-“_

“Garcia.” Hotch called out, trying to get her back on track.

_”Right, right, right. Anyway, your John Watson was 23 years old and I gotta say, he had a pretty impressive job for someone his age. He had somehow become a head software engineer for Apple, and can I just say, that is extremely hard to do in general.”_

“So he was young, and he was successful.” Prentiss filled in.

“That could be a pattern,” Hotch agreed, “What else do you have, Garcia?”

_“I’m glad you asked, because what I have next is going to knock your socks off. I was trying to do what Hotch asked me to, that is, find more of this Unsub’s victims. But after going through records of all the police departments in the area, I still had nothing-nada. So, I decided to look up hospital records, and boy did I find something. There were records for one Joseph Moyer. He had ligature marks on his wrists and ankles, burn marks on his neck, other various signs of torture, and he was raped. It was a hospital record, so there was no mention of a tattoo, but everything else fits this Unsub’s MO to a tee.”_

“But if this is our Unsub, why would the body be in a hospital? Wouldn’t he dump it like he has the others?” Morgan asked.

_”That’s just the thing, Derek. It wasn’t a body, Joseph Moyer is still alive.”_

A cold wave rushed through Reid, “W–what?”

_”Joseph Moyer was brought into the hospital by his wife after she caught him trying to treat his own wounds Monday night. She had been out of town that weekend, so she didn’t know something was wrong until then. He refused to press charges or say exactly what happened, all he said was that he was mugged. And, he fits the new pattern victims you guys have pointed out. He is 25 years old and is already a detective in a different precinct in DC.”_

Morgan looked up, “A cop? If he was able to somehow get away from the Unsub, why wouldn’t he report it? Why try to hide after he escaped?” 

“I…I don’t think that’s what happened, Morgan.” Reid whispered.

“Then what did happen Reid? I don’t think an Unsub who has killed 8 other people would just let Moyer walk away.”

“And what if he didn’t kill his other victims? Think about it. Why else wouldn’t we be able to find the other bodies? Why else would he be making beginners mistakes? He’s a sadist, he feeds off of the fear and pain of his victims. What better way to prolong that fear than to release his victims and force them to live without ever knowing when he will come back and take them again?” Reid ended, his voice breaking.

“I get that Reid, but Moyer’s a cop. It’s his duty to arrest these types of people, not protect them.”

Reid didn’t know if it was a combination of stress and lack of sleep, or if it was the fact that he was defending his own decision along with Moyer’s but before he could even think, he replied, “Just like you protected Buford?”

He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. Morgan looked like he had been physically slapped. Before he could try to backtrack and fix his mistake, a hand was on his shoulder, making him flinch.

“Reid, outside. Now.” Hotch ordered before all but dragging him out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that escalated quickly...Thank you so much for reading and please comment about what you thought about the chapter, I would love feedback!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all soo much for your support last chapter! And I am so sorry! I posted this chapter a lot later than I expected to.
> 
> This chapter is also, in my opinion, a little underwhelming...I didn't feel like I could get it right and it is waay shorter than I wanted it to be...Hopefully it's not the same for you guys, maybe it seems that way because I'm the one who wrote it.
> 
> Hope you like it either way, and I'm sorry again for the late update! Enjoy!

Hotch was furious. It had taken a long time and a lot of encouragement from both Gideon and himself before Morgan was comfortable enough to trust the team with his past. Hotch had promised him that the team would be respectful and that they would never treat him differently because of his past abuse. But now, Reid had used that information and thrown it back in his face, and that was not okay.

“That was out of line.” Hotch said angrily as soon as the doors closed behind them.

“I know.” Reid closed his eyes and started pacing, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Morgan trusted you with that information, you know better than to use it against him like that.”

“I know, Hotch! It was a stupid thing to say, and I know I betrayed his trust by saying it. But he–“ Reid cut himself off, tears forming in his eyes.

“What did he do, Reid?” Hotch challenged.

He took a shaky breath, “He…He wasn’t looking at the situation logically. He was projecting his own feelings about Buford onto Moyer, he was–he was placing the responsibility of saving the rest of the Unsub’s victims onto another victim, when he’s done the same thing Moyer has. He knows Moyer was only protecting himself, not the Unsub.”

“Even if you didn’t agree with what Morgan was saying, that still doesn’t give you any right to use his trauma against him like you did. Especially when we don’t even know if Moyer is one of the victims.”

Reid gave him a look that he couldn’t place, “But I do know, Hotch! Only 1 in 10 rape victims are male. 1 in 71 men will experience sexual assault in their lifetime, and they make up only 9% of all rape victims. If you factor in all the similarities between the injuries in addition to this, the chances of him not being a victim are slim to none. Rape is also the most unreported crime, with 63% of all rapes going unreported. And those who do report it are often subjected to victim blaming, especially when they are male. Of course he wouldn’t report it when he knew what was going to happen if he did!”

“Statistics aren’t a guarantee, we don’t have any reason why the Unsub would keep his victims alive besides speculation. We need more evidence before we do anything. You know this.”

Reid hesitated, “Yeah, I do. But…Hotch. I–“ He took another shaky breath, “I know for a fact that…that he didn’t kill all of his victims.”

Hotch paused, looking over Reid. His face had a tinge of green in it, and he looked seconds away from passing out or throwing up. Something about the way Reid had said that made something itch in the back of his mind, telling him that there was something very wrong. But that was a conclusion he really didn’t want to make. Out of all the possible implications of that sentence, he really hoped it wasn’t what he thought it could be. He shook himself from his thoughts and looked back up to see Reid looking at him apprehensively, he must have been quiet for longer than he realized. Clearing his throat, Hotch finally spoke up, “How do you know that?”

This time, it was Reid’s turn to pause. Hotch waited patiently while Reid seemed to have an internal war with himself. Tears were starting to form in his eyes and he would open his mouth as if to say something, but no words would come out. This happened a couple more times, Hotch becoming more and more worried each time, before Reid finally seemed to come to a decision. With a shaky hand, he slowly reached for his left sleeve and began rolling it up. He seemed to get more and more nervous the higher the sleeve went, but eventually, he managed to push it up just past his elbow.

Hotch hesitantly walked forward, not wanting to confirm any of the suspicions he had. As soon as Reid’s arm came into full view, he froze in horror. There, just barely peeking out from beneath his sleeve, was a tattoo of a dove, nearly identical to the ones found on their victims. He couldn’t–didn’t want to believe it, but all of Reid’s actions recently suddenly make horrible sense. His sudden aversion to touch (more than usual, that is), how jumpy he was whenever someone new came into a room and even his reaction to Morgan’s words seemed like an almost reasonable response in an awful way. Hotch slowly peeled his eyes away from the tattoo marring his subordinate’s (who he was _supposed_ to protect) arm, to try and meet his gaze.

“Reid.” He said quietly, “Spencer, look at me.” Reid quickly pushed his sleeve back down, covering the tattoo, before raising his eyes. Hotch really wished he could have seen what was going on earlier after he saw the fear and pain radiating in Reid’s watery eyes. With the type of person he is, Reid must have been blaming himself this whole time. “None of this, what happened in the past and what is happening now, is in any way your fault. Do you understand?”

He looked away, “Morgan was right, though. I’m in law enforcement, I knew he was out there hurting more people and didn’t do anything, I let it happen.”

“It wasn't your responsibility, just like it wasn’t Moyer’s. Morgan knew that, and he shouldn’t have said what he did.” He waited for Reid to say something, but when he didn’t respond, he decided to continue, “I’m not just saying that to make you feel better, Reid. I mean it when I say that you are not responsible for what happened.”

After a couple more minutes of silence, Reid finally nodded, though it was obvious that he didn’t believe what Hotch had said. Taking that as a signal to move on, Hotch spoke up again, “We’re going to have to tell the rest of the team.”

“…I–I know.”

“It doesn’t have to be now. I can get your statement and we can figure something out from there if you want.”

“No…After what I said, they need an explanation.”

“…Alright, do you want to tell them or should I?”

Reid fidgeted, “Uh…Could–could JJ stay with me while you tell the rest of the team? I can tell JJ, she can even take my statement while she’s here…I just don’t know if I can tell everyone.”

“Of course,” Hotch nodded, “will you be alright waiting here while I get JJ?”

Reid nodded, so Hotch shot one more glance at him, watching him slide down the wall onto the floor, before leaving the room. He made his way back to the conference room as slowly as he could, trying to delay the conversation as much as possible. He himself could barely process what Reid had revealed to him, he didn’t know how the rest of the team would take it. In their line of work, all of them were always prepared to get injured or even killed, but none of them could have ever prepared for something like this.

Everyone looked up from their seats in the room as soon as soon as he opened the door. It was obvious they were all still shocked about what had happened before he and Reid left the room. That argument almost seemed like a lifetime ago for Hotch, he felt like he had aged ten years from his conversation with Reid.

Prentiss was the first one to break the silence, “What’s going on?” 

Ignoring her question, he turned to JJ, “Reid wants to talk to you. He’s in the room to the right of us.” 

He waited until she had left the room before speaking again, “Some new information has recently come to light that will change our view on the case. This is sensitive, and I need you all to handle the situation with respect, is that clear?” After they all nodded their agreement, Hotch took a breath, steeling himself before continuing. “We have another victim of our Unsub, and like Moyer, he’s still alive.”

By the looks on their faces, Hotch could tell that they were starting to put some of the pieces together. 

“It’s Reid.” He said bluntly, “He hasn’t been able to give any details yet, but my hope is that JJ will be able to talk to him.”

There was a long beat of silence while everyone was processing the meaning behind Hotch’s words. Both Rossi and Prentiss had gone white, with Rossi looking seconds away from throwing up. 

A loud crash startled them, and when Hotch looked over, he saw Morgan storming away from a turned over chair and out the door. There was a faint thud a few seconds later from what Hotch assumed was Morgan punching a wall.

“Prentiss and Dave, I know this is difficult and terrible timing, but after giving yourself some time, would you two be able to go talk to Detective Moyer? We need to get his statement in order to solve this case, and both of you are the best at staying objective in these situations. Will you be able to do that?”

“Yeah. Yeah, we can do that, we’ll just need a couple of minutes.” Prentiss’s reply almost drowned out another faint thud from Morgan.

“Thank you.” Hotch said while running out the door to find Morgan before he could do more damage to himself or the wall.

He found Morgan pacing angrily in the bathroom. He was drawing his hand back to throw another hit at the wall before Hotch grabbed his arm.

“Morgan, you need to calm down.”

“No, Hotch. I cannot calm down! Reid was attacked–Reid was _**raped**_ –and I didn’t notice! Out of everyone on the team, I should have been able to see that something was wrong with him. I should have known.”

“You can’t blame yourself, Morgan. No one could’ve guessed that this happened.”

“How, Hotch? We’re profilers, and Reid was showing all the signs of a ra…of a rape victim.”

“You forget that Reid is a profiler too. He knows what we look for and he knew how to hide it.”

“Oh, no…I blamed him too! Reid was trying to explain why a cop wouldn’t report their rape, and I knew _exactly_ why they would try to keep it a secret, but I didn’t listen. He probably thinks I blame him for what happened.”

“He doesn’t think that, Morgan.”

“I know him, he was probably blaming himself for everything before I said what I did.” He punched the wall again, “How could I be so stupid?”

“Morgan! What’s done is done, Reid does not need you feeling sorry for yourself right now. There is a lot any of us could have done differently, but we can’t change that now. You know what he is going through the best out of all of us, so stop blaming yourself and start helping him.”

Morgan groaned in frustration. “Fine. JJ’s with him right now, right? He hasn’t been comfortable around me for the past couple months, so the best thing I can do is give him some space. I’m going to go work on a preliminary profile, the faster we solve this it the sooner we can focus on Reid.”

Hotch wanted to disagree with him and tell him that the best thing that he could do was stay with Reid, but Morgan was already out the door.

———

Reid wasn’t sure what he was feeling. When Hotch had dragged him out of the room, the last thing he had planned on doing was tell Hotch the truth. He had wanted to explain his reasoning and convince him that it wasn’t Moyer’s (his) fault because he didn’t report it, but he hadn’t been expecting to tell him what had happened. He had just become so overwhelmed with everything going on at once that he couldn’t keep it a secret anymore. He had to tell someone. Granted, he hadn’t been able to bring himself to say the words, but he had shown Hotch part of the dove tattoo, which was even more convincing than if he had said it. At the moment, Reid honestly didn’t know who was more surprised when he rolled up his sleeve. Hotch, because he found out Reid’s secret, or Reid, because he willingly revealed it.

A knock on the door brought him back to reality, and Reid suddenly remembered that he was waiting for JJ so he could tell yet another person what had happened. He _really_ didn’t want to do it a second time, but he also needed JJ to understand. He felt like he owed it to her to tell her himself because of how much she had done for him ever since this whole thing started.

“Reid?” JJ stepped into the room, “…Hotch said you wanted to talk to me?” When he nodded, JJ slowly walked towards him and sat next to him on the floor.

“So…What did you want to talk about?”

“It–“ Reid tried to say, but his voice wouldn’t work. He cleared his throat and tried again, “It got to be too much.”

“What?”

“You made me promise the first night I came over that if it ever got that bad again, I would talk to someone. It’s not bad because of the drugs, really, but I can’t keep it a secret anymore. It just…it got to be too much.”

“Oh. Did you tell Hotch what was wrong?”

Reid shrugged, “In a way. I didn’t actually talk to him about it, I just told him enough so he would understand.”

“…Do you want to tell me?”

Tears started to form in Reid’s eyes again and he nodded, “I…I really need to tell you.”

JJ nodded and turned so she was facing him instead of the wall opposite of them, showing Reid that she was giving him her full attention.

It took a few false starts, but eventually, Reid was able to start talking. “I–uh…The Friday we got back from that child abduction case two months ago, someone knocked on my door. I didn’t know who it was, he was just asking for a phone. But when–when I turned around to grab mine, he attacked me.” Reid could hear JJ gasp in the background, but he couldn’t stop himself from talking now that he started. “I don’t–don’t remember much after that, I just remember waking up in a different room. He…he came in not long after I woke up. He didn’t really do anything the first time, just hit me a couple of times, but…after that, he–“

Reid had to pause for a second in order to find his voice again. Somewhere in his haze, he felt JJ’s hand on his shoulder, helping ground him. 

“…He raped me.” He finally said. This was his first time admitting what had happened out loud, and to his surprise, he was more relieved about it than anything. “I was so scared, JJ. After the first time, he just kept coming back. I didn’t know how much time had passed, and I thought he was going to kill me. He hadn’t tried to cover his face, and we both know the chances of surviving when an Unsub shows his face to their victims. I was missing, but there was no reason for you guys to come looking for me until Monday, and I thought for sure that he–“

“Shh, Spence. You’re safe.” He felt her arms slowly wrap around him, and she started to rock both of them back and forth.

He closed his eyes, trying to stop the tears from coming. “I can’t get him out of my head, JJ. Every time I close my eyes, I’m back in that room with him. It never stops.”

“I’m so sorry I never saw what was happening before.” She laid her head on top of his and he could feel tears falling into his hair, “But I promise that I will do everything I can to help you through this.”

Reid wrapped his arms around her tighter, “It’s not your fault you didn’t know. I didn’t want you to.”

“Spence…I’m sure Hotch told you this too, but it wasn’t your fault either. I know you, and I know that you are thinking you let this happen to you, but you didn’t. It wasn’t. Your. Fault.”

Reid buried his face in her shoulder in another attempt to stop his tears. He could barely keep it together when Hotch had told him that, but hearing those words from JJ, who had been unknowingly helping him through this from the start, made all of his walls crumble. He was starting to hesitantly let himself believe that, just maybe, what Hotch and JJ had told him could be true.

“And Spence?” JJ said again, “Thank you for trusting me with this. I know it couldn’t have been easy, but thank you so much for telling me.”

And finally, for the first time since he woke up back in his apartment, Reid let himself completely break down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite my depressing authors notes at the beginning...Reid finally told someone! YAY!!
> 
> And, at time of posting this chapter, I have 187 kudos on this fic!! Which in and of itself is mind boggling, but I thought it was kinda funny, with who this story is about and all...😁


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soooo sorry I dropped off the face of the earth for so long. I hadn’t expected the holidays to be as crazy as they were. Thank you all so much for being so patient. Updates might be more sporadic with my new schedule, but I will do my best to keep the updates going. :)

The car was silent the entire way to Detective Moyer’s home. Emily couldn’t bring herself to even attempt to keep up a conversation with Rossi after the bombshell that Hotch had dropped on them, and she doubted Rossi could either. Even though she often prided herself in her ability to stay objective during tough cases, she had never dealt with this situation before and she honestly felt like she was drowning. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to handle an interview with one of the Unsub’s victims, knowing that Reid would have gone through the same thing.

She could tell, just by looking at Rossi, that he felt the same way. He was trying to hide it as well, but she could see the tight lines in his face and the white knuckles of his hands on the steering wheel that expressed just how much this was affecting him. Reid was their family, and the only thing worse than seeing their family suffer is knowing they could’ve done something about it if they hadn’t ignored all of the signs.

“Hey, are you alright?” Rossi asked while pulling up to the house.

Emily nodded, “I’m fine.”

“You sure, because I’d be more worried if you were fine with this, if either of us were.”

“I…I don’t know.”

“Well, you know what they say about hindsight. Everything about Reid’s behavior is so obvious now, how could we have missed it?”

Emily shot him a look, “How–“

“It’s written all over your face. I bet everyone else on the team is kicking themselves for not seeing it earlier too. I sure am.”

“Yeah.” She looked at the house, “How are we going to get through this interview? All I can think about is Reid.”

He nodded, “This whole situation hits too close to home. But Hotch was right about one thing. Out of everyone in the team, you are the best at keeping a level head. If it were anyone else, I don’t think everyone would be walking out of that house in one piece.”

“And what about you?”

“I’ll manage. Don’t get me wrong, I am about as angry as you can get, but I want to be able to catch this guy so I can pummel him myself.”

Emily took a deep breath, “Well, that’s good enough for me. Are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.” 

As soon as both of them were out of the car, they slowly made their way up the driveway. Once they reached the door, Emily took a second to steel herself before knocking on the door. A few seconds later, the door opened slightly, allowing them to partially see the man on the other side.

“Joseph Moyer?” Emily asked him. After he nodded, she continued, “My name is Emily Prentiss, and this is my partner, David Rossi.” They both pulled out their badges to show him, “We’re with the FBI.”

He opened the door further, “The FBI? Is this about work? Has something happened?”

“Not exactly,” she hesitated, “May we come in?”

“Uhh…my wife is at work right now and she is a stickler about letting visitors in without giving her time to clean up.”

“That’s alright. Would you mind sitting outside with us instead?”

“I…I guess that would be fine.” He hesitated before stepping outside and closing the door behind him. “What’s this about?”

“We’re here to ask you about the mugging that occurred three weeks ago?” Rossi asked.

He paled, “What about it?”

“We believe that it might be connected to a series of murders in the area.”

“How–How so?”

Emily slowly picked up the file in her lap and laid the contents of it out on the table, “Each victim so far has been kidnapped, tortured and…and raped. They have also been left with a tattoo of a specific number of doves.” She looked at Moyer sympathetically, seeing the slowly growing horror on his face, “Joseph, I’m going to ask you a question, and I want you try to answer it as honestly as possible. Can you do that for me?”

He slowly nodded.

“Alright…Joseph, were you really mugged that night”

He winced, “I–Do you think I’m connected to this? You said that you were following a string of murders, but I’m alive.”

“We have reason to believe that this Unsub only started killing his victims recently.” Rossi countered.

“I…I–“ He let out a sob, “He’s really started killing people?”

Emily looked at him, “I’m afraid so.”

“Alright…Okay, I–I’m a cop, a detective. You understand why I couldn’t let this get out, right? I had to keep it a secret.”

“We understand, and we promise anything you say will stay confidential.”

He sniffed, trying to collect himself, “What can I do to help?”

Emily leaned forward, “This might seem weird, but can you close your eyes for me?” She waited until he had before speaking again, “Alright, can you tell us about the night you were taken?”

He took a shaky breath, “Yeah...yeah. It was Friday night, about three weeks ago, I think? My wife was out of town for the weekend and I, um, I had just finished a late shift, about to get in bed when I heard a knock on the door. I kinda thought it was weird. It was really late, maybe about two in the morning? When I opened the door, though, there was this man who was freaking out about his car breaking down on him.”

“Would you be able to describe this man?” Emily asked.

He nodded, “Yeah, I got a pretty good look at him. He–He had red hair, and green eyes. I’m not sure exactly, but I think he was around 5’9? He also–also had a scar on his neck, a couple inches long.”

“Thank you, that will be very helpful. Now, think back, there was a man at your door, what did he ask for?”

“He, uh, he wanted to use my phone to call his girlfriend, said she was worried about him. I didn’t feel comfortable letting him in my house, so I told him to wait outside. But when I turned around, he put a r–rag over my face. I managed to break free, but he just tackled me to the ground and forced the rag back on my face before I could do anything.”

“And that’s the last thing you remember?”

He nodded, “I woke up later in a different room.”

Prentiss looked at Rossi before asking, “Can you describe the room?”

“It was just like any other room. It was small, and there weren’t any windows, but other than that it was normal. Except for the door.”

“What was different about the door?” Rossi asked

“It was like a door to a vault. Like the ones they put in banks.”

Prentiss nodded, “Okay, let’s move on. Can you tell me about when the man first comes in?”

He hesitated, giving a shaky nod, “It was the first time I actually payed attention to him. The first thing I noticed was that he had red hair, like, really bright hair. Then he introduced himself, said his name was Steve.”

“He told you his name?” Prentiss asked, surprised.

“Yeah, and showed me his face. I’m–I’m a cop, I know what that normally means. So I tackled him, I wanted to get him off guard so I could try to escape. But before I could stand back up, he electrocuted me. I hadn’t realized it before, but I was wearing a shock–shock c–collar.”

“Okay, it’s okay Joseph, you’re safe now.” Prentiss reassured him, “Do you want to take a break?”

Joseph shook his head, “No, I don’t–don’t want to have to drag this out, if I have to tell you what happened, I want to do it as quickly as possible.”

She nodded, “Okay. After he shocked you, what did he do?”

“I’m not sure, I think I blacked out for a second, but when I came to, he had my wrists chai–chained to the bed frame and he had put a blindfold over my eyes.”

“What did he do after that?” She asked gently.

“Nothing much. He stood there for a while. It was so quiet, I couldn’t tell where he was or what he was going to do next. Then...Then he just-just started t–touching me. I got scared, and I started to fight back, but he just laughed and left the room.”

“When did he come back?”

“It wasn’t for a couple of hours, I had taken the blindfold off so I could see when he came back. But-but when he did, he was really mad that I had taken it off. He put it back on, and then started to beat me. Then he–then he–“ his breathing hitched.

“It’s okay, he’s not going to hurt you anymore.” Prentiss comforted him again. She herself was trying to hold back tears as well, unable to stop herself from envisioning Reid in this situation.

Rossi grimaced, “I’m sorry, but I need to ask you, did he say anything to you during this?”

He shook his head, “No, nothing at all. He just made sure to make it hur–hurt as much as possible.” He looked up, “But–but after, every time, he would say one word as he left. I didn’t catch it until the second time.”

“What did he say?” Prentiss asked.

“Weak.” Joseph’s voice shook, “And he was right, I was too weak to fight him off. I let it happen.”

“Joseph, Joseph, look at me,” Prentiss gently demanded, her voice wavering slightly as well, “none of this is your fault. He did his best to take any control over the situation away from you. He wanted you to feel weak, but that doesn’t mean that you are.”

They sat in silence, giving him (and themselves) time to recover from the interview. After a couple more minutes, Joseph looked up, wiping his eyes. “Okay, I’m good. We can start again.”

Rossi took a breath, “You said after the second time…Do you know how many times he came in?”

“He came in, I think, about six or seven times, but he only r–hurt me t–three of those times.”

Prentiss braced herself, “What did he do those other times?”

“Well, other than the first time, when he introduced himself, he just…talked. He would ask me how my niece was and what was going on with my partner at work. It was scary, he knew things about me that most people don’t, and it wasn’t the kind of stuff I put on social media.”

Prentiss shared a look with Rossi, “What about the last time?”

“Um, he came in, holding a big pen–like thing. He just sat down in a chair next to the bed and just started drawing on my arm...I realized later that it was a tattoo. While he was doing–doing that, he just told me how, if anyone on the force found out about it, they would kick me off because they wouldn’t be able to trust someone who was we–weak enough to let this happen to them.”

“Would you be able to show us this tattoo?”

Joseph nodded before slowly rolling up his sleeve. Emily grimaced once the full tattoo was in view. The doves on his arm were identical to the ones they had found on the bodies of the other confirmed victims, except this one had seven birds, making Moyer the seventh victim. He didn’t know it, but he had narrowly avoided this Unsub’s killing spree.

Prentiss nodded to him, “Thank you. Did he say anything else?”

“He...he mentioned how it would affect my mother too, I don’t know how he knew about her, she lives in Florida. Then, he covered my mouth with the rag again and I woke up back in my apartment.”

“You’re sure he let you go willingly, correct?”

“Absolutely. I was at his mercy and I thought for sure he was going to kill me…With that vault door in place, I had no hope of escaping. I–I’m only alive because he wanted me to be.”

Both Emily and Rossi stood up, signaling the end of the interview. “Thank you for your time, you have been a tremendous help, and I know that was very hard for you.” Emily said, handing him her card, “If you remember anything else, please don’t hesitate to call.”

He nodded, “Thank you agents. Please do what you can to catch this guy.”

“We will do everything in our power.” Rossi assured.

“...Hey, um, I noticed that the tattoos on the others had more birds than mine. Have you…have you figured out what it means?”

Rossi looked back, “It’s his was of numbering his victims. The more victims he’s had, the more birds he tattoos on his current victim.”

“That–That means I’m his seventh, right?” He let out a breath of air when Rossi nodded, “Have you found any more of his living victims?”

Emily saw Rossi hesitate out of the corner of her eye, “One.”

“Is…Is he alright?”

“We don’t know yet.”

Moyer sighed, “Thank you again, agents. I really hope you catch this guy.”

They nodded one last time before they turned and walked back towards the car, glad to finally be leaving.

Once inside the car, Emily laid back in the chair, suddenly exhausted from the effort. “I never want to do that again.”

Rossi agreed while starting up the car and driving away. “Let’s just get back to Spencer. After hearing that, I’m pretty sure he’s a lot less okay than he’s been letting on.”

“From what I understand, JJ was getting his statement while we were here. I’ll call her and tell her what we have. I’ll also ask her how Reid’s been doing.” She saw Rossi nod out of the corner of her eye before turning to face the window while waiting for JJ to answer. She picked up after the third ring.

 _”Hey Emily,”_ JJ sighed, sounding even more exhausted than Emily felt.

“Hi. How are you doing?”

_”Honestly? Not good, this whole case was really getting me before Spence told us what happened. Hearing everything from his point of view has been really hard.”_

“I know what you mean. What about Reid? How’s he holding up?”

_”He’s a mess. He’s been blaming himself for everything since he was attacked, and even more now. I just–I don’t know how to help him.”_

“Being there for him is a great start.” Emily paused before continuing, “Has he given you his statement yet?”

_”Yeah, we just finished. Both of us could barely get through it honestly. What about you? Hotch told me you were going to interview Detective Moyer.”_

“We’re on our way back now.”

Emily heard JJ hesitate over the phone before she started speaking again, _”…Spence said that the Unsub used a ruse to get into his house. Did Moyer say the same thing?”_

“Yeah he did. He said that a man came to his door in the middle of the night asking for a phone.”

_”What did he say he looked like?”_

“Uhh, He had red hair, green eyes and a scar along his neck.”

_”Red hair and green eyes…You’re sure?”_

“Yeah, why?”

_”Get back here as fast as you can. The man that took Moyer is not the same man that Reid described.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! Sorry again for the SUPER late update...


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI! I'm back! Sorry I was gone so long _again_. I'm really hoping I will be able to update more frequently soon. I do promise that this story will be finished though.
> 
> Also, thank you so much to everyone who commented or left kudos! I really enjoyed reading them. A lot. Over and over again...

“Wait, what?” Emily nearly shouted, “What do you mean?”

 _”Spence’s attacker had dark brown hair and eyes. He’s basically the opposite of Moyer’s,”_ JJ replied.

“But that doesn’t make sense. The MO is so specific, there’s no way that this was two separate Unsubs.”

 _”I know. And he doesn’t fit the profile of someone who would have a partner.”_ She sighed, _”We need to regroup, how far out are you?_ ”

Emily looked out the window, “Uhh, we’ll be back in about five minutes.”

_”Alright, we’ll be in the conference room. See you then.”_

“Got it, bye.” Emily said before hanging up.

“What was that all about?” She heard Rossi ask as soon as she put her phone down.

“We might have two Unsubs. Reid described a different person than Moyer did.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Unfortunately, I’m not. JJ wants us to meet in the conference room when we get back so we can regroup.” Rossi nodded in acknowledgment.

The car fell silent after that, both of them thinking about what they had just learned. Emily couldn’t make sense of it. Based on Moyer’s statement, the Unsub had a very specific ritual, one that didn’t include a partner. Everything he has done so far screamed of control. He wanted to have power and complete control over the situation. That’s why he uses shock collars, why he completely traps his victims and why he rapes them. Adding another Unsub into this would make him lose at least a little bit of that control. It just didn’t make sense.

Emily watched as they pulled into the parking lot, eager to get back to the team. Hopefully they could shed some light on the situation if they shared all the information that they had. She quickly got out of the car and followed Rossi back into the station and into the conference room. Her steps faltered slightly when she saw Reid sitting at the table with the rest of the team. She thought that Hotch would’ve pulled him from the case because of what had happened, though if she was honest with herself, she was glad that he kept Reid on the case for now, because this way everyone would be able to keep a close eye on him.

“Now that we’re all here,” Hotch said, shaking Emily from her thoughts, “let’s get started.”

———

Reid quickly made his way to the bathroom. After JJ had taken his statement (which was admittedly one of the hardest things he’s had to do. He never thought he would ever tell someone about that weekend and wasn’t at all prepared for it), she had stepped away to talk to Emily on the phone. He quickly took the opportunity to get away from everything so he could compose himself. He needed some time alone before he had to face everyone else on the team, and he wanted to look at least more presentable before then. He splashed some cold water on his face, pausing for a moment before hesitantly raising his eyes to the mirror in front of him. He usually made an effort to avoid mirrors, but after everything that had happened today, he actually wanted to see his reflection for once. 

Reid winced when he saw himself. His eyes were red and puffy from crying, his hair was a mess and his clothes were rumpled from wearing them for two days straight. Despite all of this, he was also strangely comforted by the sight. He could see a small air of confidence surrounding him that wasn’t there before. It was as if by telling his team, a missing piece had fallen into place. A small smile formed on Reids lips. He was exhausted, his emotions were raw from the days events, but for the first time in a long time, he felt _good _.__

__He stood there for a couple more minutes, mesmerized by the feeling, before quickly combing through his hair and straightening his clothes. Even though he had finally told someone, he knew that it wouldn’t fix everything, and Mark was still out there. He wanted to do everything he could to help find him. With that in mind, he turned and left the bathroom, only to run face first into Hotch. Surprised, he backed up, quickly hiding a flinch before speaking._ _

__“Hotch! Sorry, I didn’t see you. I-I was just about to go to the conference room.”_ _

__“Reid, I need to talk to you.”_ _

__Reid paused, looking at Hotch, “O-okay, what is it?”_ _

__“I can’t have you working this case.”_ _

__His heart sank, “No.”_ _

__“Reid, you need to understand. You are personally involved and emotionally compromised. I can’t-“_ _

__“No Hotch. I _need_ to work this case. Please.” He pleaded._ _

__“It’s too personal for you. Working this case could really hurt you.”_ _

__“Of course it’s too personal for me, it’s too personal for the whole team. That’s why I need to work this case, Hotch. I know the Unsub, and how he works. We need to catch him, and it will be easier to do that if I’m on the case.” He paused, “You don’t even need to let me out into the field, I can stay here so I don’t compromise the teams safety.”_ _

__Hotch hesitated before nodding, “Only if you promise to step away the moment it gets to be too much. I care about your health just as much as I care about catching the Unsub.”_ _

__Reid agreed and started walking away from Hotch towards the conference rom before Hotch stopped him again, “Reid, I also came to tell you about Moyer’s statement. I wanted to let you know before Emily and Rossi got back.”_ _

__“What is it?”_ _

__“JJ told me that the man who took you had brown hair and eyes, is that correct?”_ _

__Reid nodded, “He also had a mole on his cheek.”_ _

__“And you’re positive about that?”_ _

__“I couldn’t forget even if I wanted to,” Reid whispered, “What is this about?”_ _

__“According to Moyer, the man who took him had red hair and green eyes.”_ _

__Reid’s head shot up, “What? That’s not possible. I thought for sure he- Are you sure? It can’t be-”_ _

__A hand landed on his shoulder and he flinched back, making the hand pull away, “Reid, it’s okay, breath. We don’t know for sure what this means, but we are going to figure it out, I promise.”_ _

__It took a couple minutes for Reid to calm down and for his breathing to come back to normal. He looked back at Hotch a little sheepish, “Sorry, I don’t know why I reacted like that.”_ _

__“You weren’t expecting that information, it’s alright.” He paused to take a breath, “Prentiss and Dave should be back soon. We’re going to review what we know. Are you sure you’re up for this?”_ _

__Reid nodded, “I need to do something to help.”_ _

__“Alright, but remember, don’t hesitate to step out if you need to. I don’t want you doing this if it will only bring up bad memories.”_ _

__“Got it, Hotch.” Reid replied before sitting down at the table, pointedly ignoring the looks the rest of the team was giving him. A couple seconds later, Prentiss and Rossi walked in and Hotch started talking._ _

__“Now that we’re all here, let’s get started. We have two very different descriptions of the Unsub. What we need to figure out is why.” He turned to the white board behind him, and wrote down the two descriptions._ _

__“We should start with the similarities between the two stories. We might be able to find differences in MO.” JJ offered._ _

__“So what do we know?” Rossi asked._ _

__There was an awkward pause, and Reid felt everyone look at him before Prentiss started talking, “Based on the two statements we have, the Unsub uses a ruse to get into his victim’s homes and then uses chloroform to knock them out before moving them to a different location.”_ _

__“So he’s probably not physically strong?” Morgan asked._ _

__“No he is.” Reid spoke up before thinking, “At-at least Mark is.”_ _

__“Mark is the name the Unsub told you?” Hotch clarified._ _

__“Yeah. When he…um…took me, he wasn’t able to get the rag over my mouth in time. We fought, and he pinned me down before I could get to my phone.” Reid winced at the near palpable guilt he felt from the rest of the team. “It-it wasn’t about his lack of strength. He wanted us to let our guard down so he could, um, use it against us later. Tell us it was our fault…because we were the ones who let him in to start with.”_ _

__There was more silence, and Reid was beginning to really hate the way his team was looking at him. Prentiss then cleared her throat and diverted their attention to herself. Reid shot her a thankful look as she started talking, “It seems like he wants complete control over his victims. He does everything he can to ensure that they will do what he wants them to. The ruse seems like an extension of that.”_ _

__“But if he had a parter, it would take some of that control away, which wouldn’t fit the profile.” Rossi continued, “But, if he were changing his appearance, it would give him even more control over the situation. He could dictate what he looks like to his victims and how they see him.”_ _

__JJ nodded, “That makes sense. It would also explain why he was so comfortable with letting his victims live. They wouldn’t be able to identify him even if they did report it. His identity would be safe.”_ _

__“But then-“ Morgan started, but then cut himself off, glancing at Reid. Reid ignored the frustration building in him before motioning for Morgan to continue. There was another small pause before he started speaking again, “Why did he let them live? If he’s all about control, wouldn’t killing them be the ultimate show of control?”_ _

__“He’s also sadistic, though. He feeds off the fear of his victims. By letting them live, he can prolong that fear.” Hotch said._ _

__“But that wouldn’t make sense,” Rossi countered, “By letting them leave, he loses contact with that fear.”_ _

__Reid nearly groaned at the way everyone looked at him again. They were acting like if they said or did one wrong thing, he would break into pieces, and the feeling was becoming suffocating. In an effort to escape, he abruptly stood up, “I need some air.” He explained before heading out the door, still ignoring the looks the team was shooting his way._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Sorry this chapter is a little short...
> 
> Please leave kudos or comments about the work (or anything in general really). I really appreciate hearing from you!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH, I’M SO SORRY!! I feel so bad for taking so long updating recently! This semester has a waay bigger workload than I was expecting and, me being the procrastinator that I am, I have been putting everything off for far too long...😅

Reid took a deep breath to calm himself down once he was out of the conference room. He knew that his team meant well, but all they were doing was slowing the investigation down. They couldn’t get any real work done if they were treating him like he was made of glass all the time. All Reid wanted to do was to solve this case and put everything behind him. It wasn’t like anything had actually changed between him and his team, so why were they being so careful around him?

Not only was the way they were acting really getting on Reid’s nerves, but they couldn’t _afford_ to be wasting time right now. If Mark was going to stick to his schedule, that meant that he already had another victim chosen and would be striking again tonight. They couldn’t let that happen.

He looked at his watch. _It’s almost five o’clock._ He winced, _That doesn’t give us a lot of time. We have no almost nothing to go off of and the only leads we have so far are two statements that barely match._

Reid blinked, that was it. He had almost 48 hours worth of information on Mark, and there was bound to be something in his memories that he had missed before. He turned to go back into the conference room, but then he hesitated. He didn’t think he would be able to concentrate with the way everyone was treating him, and even though it would be nice to have someone there to talk him through everything, he didn’t want to bother them more than he already had. Besides, he was a profiler too, he knew how to talk someone through it.

With his mind made up, Reid turned and made his way to the side room he had used the night before, stopping only to grab a cup of coffee. (Even with the eventful day he had had, he was still running on zero sleep from the night before and it was unlikely he would be getting any sleep tonight either.) 

Once inside, he sat down at the table and closed his eyes. He thought back to the first night, quickly running through everything leading up to his capture. When he couldn’t find anything unusual, he begrudgingly moved on to the next morning, when he first woke up after being taken. Once again, however, he couldn’t find any new information from the room, just like when he had first inspected it.

He hesitated before deciding to try and get a better look at Mark. Because of everything that was going on before, he didn’t really have the opportunity to look at his appearance in detail, and he hadn’t wanted to afterwards. He took a deep breath, reminding himself that he was safe, before bringing up Mark’s image. Even though he hadn’t seen him in months, Reid was still able to remember every detail about him, down to the look in his eyes. _Excitement._ Reid realized, suddenly feeling sick, _He was looking at me with excitement_. He could also see small details that he hadn’t noticed in the moment, such as a small makeup smear on his hand and a slightly lighter color to the roots of his hair. This, at least, helped support their theory that he was changing his appearance.

Reid quickly ran through the rest of the weekend, taking note of the small comments that Mark had made about his team, as well as the tactics that he had used to convince Reid to stay quiet about everything. 

“He obviously knew details about my life that I don’t normally tell people.” He weakly muttered, “But we already knew that.”

Reid was beginning to think that he was at a dead end, he hadn’t been able to find any new information about the case. Although, now that he thought about it, he wasn’t really expecting to. He had already ran through the entire weekend with JJ, he knew there was a slim chance of discovering something else. He stood up to leave, defeated, when another memory came to the front of his mind, making him freeze.

The night before he went back to work, right after he was released, he remembered the unmistakable feeling of being watched. At the time, he had assumed that he was being paranoid, with good reason, and had taken careful measures to ensure that no one would be able to get into his apartment. Now though, he remembered that the feeling had persisted the entire week. 

With his heart beating hard in his chest, he frantically tried to remember if there was anything or anyone that stood out to him throughout the week. He had only left his apartment to go to work, which was in a high security facility. If he was followed that week, it had to be while he was off work. The problem was, he never went anywhere else. The only other time that he did leave his apartment that week was when he went to JJ’s in the middle of the night...and that feeling had followed him there. 

He thought back to the night after he was released again, when he had looked out his window. There, in the parking lot next to his building was a dark blue van. He had memorized the types of cars that his neighbors drove a long time ago, and none of them drove a blue van. He then tried to remember if he had seen that van when he was at JJ’s–though it was a little hard because he wasn’t exactly paying attention to his surroundings as much as he should have at the time. But, after a few minutes of searching, he noticed that there had been a reflection of a blue van parked a few houses behind him in his rear view mirror. 

“There it is, I got it.” Reid didn’t know if he should cheer or cry. He had figured out the main reason why Mark had released him, but he also had realized that despite all of the safely measured he had been taking, Mark had been there the whole time and he had never even noticed.

He ran back to the conference room as quickly as he could. The whole team jumped to their feet the second he barged in.

“I know why he lets his victims live.” Reid announced the second he stepped inside.

After a few awkward seconds, Prentiss asked, “Why?”

“He stalks them after he lets them go. It lets him have contact with the fear of his victims directly after he releases them and he would be close enough to stop them from doing something he doesn’t want them to.

“He might also be following them before he takes them too.” Reid continued. “He knew things about me and my relationships that weren’t common knowledge. It would make sense that he found that information out by stalking me.”

“That could also explain the cooling down period.” Rossi agreed.

Reid took a breath, “It’s hard to pinpoint exactly how long he waited between victims, but we’ve confirmed that there were five victims after me. With that time frame, and the shortened period between the two recent victims, I would say he spends about a week stalking his victims before taking them and another week afterwards before moving on.”

Hotch nodded, “We need to give the profile.”

Reid stopped Hotch as the rest of the team was filing out of the room, “If the Unsub sticks to his schedule, he’s going to take another victim tonight.”

“We know. We’ve requested that the department increase their patrols tonight. The profile should help them know what to look for.”

“Okay. I don’t know for sure, but I think he drives a dark blue van, I remember seeing one follow me the week after I was taken.”

Hotch nodded, “Thank you.” He hesitated, “You know I can’t let you help deliver the profile–“

“I know.” Reid cut him off.

“–But I’ll make sure to let them know.”

“...Thanks.”

Hotch turned to leave, but hesitated, “And Reid, you know you have nothing to prove, right?”

Reid nodded, “I know...I just wanted–I need to do something to help with the case.”

“Alright, get some sleep, I know you didn’t last night. We’ll be back soon.” Hotch turned and left the room.

———

Our Unsub is a white male, in his early to mid 30’s.” Hotch started them off, “It’s safe to assume that he recently lost his job or his work doesn’t require a lot of his time. He’ll likely live in a middle class neighborhood and a witness said that he believes this Unsub drives a dark blue van. He will be charming, and possibly volunteers for charity. If asked, his neighbors will describe him as kind and helpful, they will have a hard time believing he did these crimes.”

Morgan picked it up, “This guy is organized, and he sadistic. He fits the profile of an anger-excitation rapists except, up until recently, he did not kill his victims. His goal is to cause the maximum amount of pain and fear in his victims, and he takes gratification in watching them struggle to rebuild their lives afterwards.”

“He has a strict ritual,” JJ added, “he stalks his victims for about a week before the attack, learning their routine and their relationships. On Friday night, he will then use a broken down car ruse to gain his victims trust, before attacking them. He keeps them for two days, repeatedly torturing...and raping them.”

“...Before letting them go, he brands them with a tattoo of a dove.” Rossi started, “He uses this tattoo to further mock his victims. A dove symbolizes peace and purity in many cultures, which is something he believes he stole from his victims. He also uses this brand as a way to keep count of the number of victims he has taken. ”

“He stalks them after the attack as well. This allows him to watch his victims at their weakest. He gets off on seeing his victims suffer in silence around the ones they are closest to.” Prentiss continued, “After a watching his victim for a week, he moves on to the next one.”

JJ cleared her throat before talking, “This Unsub changes his appearance in order to remain hidden. This leads us to believe that he or someone he knows has background working in the cosmetics industry.”

“His victims are young men, in their mid-to-late twenties, who are unusually successful in their careers. We believe the Unsub himself has been unsuccessful in his career and has started taking his anger out on men he thinks don’t deserve the success they have. Are there any questions?” Hotch finished.

“You said he doesn’t kill his victims,” an officer spoke up, “so, why did he kill Conner Lynch and John Watson?”

Prentiss was the one that answered, “It’s likely Dr. Lynch fought back, and our Unsub accidentally killed him in an effort to get him under control, but then decided that he gets a bigger high killing his victims as opposed to stalking them.”

“So he started killing by accident?”

“Yes.”

“This does mean, however,” Hotch brought the attention back to himself, “that our Unsub has already chosen his next victim and will strike again tonight. This is why we have increased patrols. Due to the short time period that he keeps his victims before killing them, it is imperative that we find him tonight. Thank you and be careful.” He said, ending the briefing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if Reid is a little OC here. I just feel like with him, once he actually reveals his secret, he would want everything to go back to exactly how it was before and will work twice as hard to make it seem like he is the completely fine (especially after working so hard to keep it a secret) and that is why he was upset with how the team was treating him. That’s kinda also why I made it seem like reliving his experience when he was trying to find new info wasn’t as hard on him as it actually was. He was kinda pushing everything else away in order to prove to everyone that he wasn’t any different and could treat this case like any other...

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment and/or kudos. They are always appreciated and I literally live off of them. Thanks for reading! 😁


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